Dirty Grandpa
Dirty Grandpa is a 2016 American buddy sports romantic sex comedy film about a lawyer who drives his grandfather to Florida during spring break. The film was directed by Dan Mazer and written by John Phillips. It stars Robert De Niro and Zac Efron in the leading roles, with Aubrey Plaza, Zoey Deutch, Julianne Hough and Dermot Mulroney in supporting roles. It was filmed on location in Atlanta from January 19 to May 9, 2015. The film was theatrically released on January 22, 2016, by Lionsgate. It grossed $105 million worldwide, and received negative reviews by critics, several of whom called it the worst film they had ever seen.
16.8s
1m26s
Now, this is what I'm fucking talking about. This is so fucked up. Calm down, you'll get to hang out with that gypsy girl you like. - I don't like her. - Oh, yes, you do. That's why you didn't deny being a photographer for Time magazine. You can hang out with her, I can have vaginal sex with Lenore. It all works out! We can even go visit my old army buddy, Stinky. Stinky? Which tiki bar are they in? Oh, shit. Shit. Shit. - What's that? - It's Meredith. - Please, I've got to answer that. - Ah, tell her to fuck off. Grandpa! I'm just gonna check the testosterone levels on your phone first. Grandpa, give me my phone now! Just as I thought. Pretty low. This is Meredith calling... Shit! Now, look what you did, you dropped it in the car's vagina. God damn it, I have to put it on speaker. - Don't say anything. - I will not say a word. Ballbags! Hey! Who was that? No one. We're in a restaurant. Sorry. "Who's that?" - What's up? - Okay... Well, I really want them to post our wedding announcement on the New York Times website before our rehearsal brunch Friday, so I just wanted to run your section back to you. Yeah, you know, now's really not a good time... Jason? Can we just do this please? "Can we do this now?" - "Jason Richard Kelly, son of..." - Doctor Smegma Von BoxMunchers." "David and Brooke, is a junior associate at the law firm of..." - "Cream pie fart and donkey punch!" - Okay, who is that? It's no one. It's a waiter with pretty bad Tourette's, I think...
Dirty Grandpa
1m19s
He just keeps walking by yelling weird shit, I don't know why... Okay, well, what restaurant are you at? - I can barely even hear you now. - We're at Chuck E. Cheese's... Daytona fucking Beach! Daytona fucking Beach! You're right, buddy! - You're in Daytona Beach? - Uh... Listen, we're just driving through Daytona Beach. - We're en route to Grandpa's... - Jason! I don't know why you're there, but you'd better call me from your grandfather's house - when you get there tonight, okay? - Of course, baby. I love you so much... - Fuck! - Marriage is hard. What'd the hot college girls text back? Grandpa, what are you texting them? - I just texted them. - What are you texting them? "We'll meet you on the beach." Yeah, and I added the emoji with the wink and the tongue out. I'm not kidding, Grandpa. You realize that if I don't call her from your house in Boca tonight, I'm fucked, man, I'm fucked. Jesus. Sounds like you're marrying your fucking parole officer. It's just Meredith. It's the way she is, man. She just gets, like, anxious when she doesn't know exactly where I am. Don't panic. It's organic. Yeah, I know. Couples get in fights all the time. But it's different with Meredith. She takes it to another level, man, and I'm telling you, if I don't call her from your house in Boca, I'm screwed. Well, ain't nobody got time for that. Yeah, I know. Clearly. Which is why I don't understand how we got so far off schedule. Oh... Sometimes life is just a fart zone, and you enter at your own risk.
Dirty Grandpa
27.1s
Have you been reading shit off the shot glasses and the shirts in here and just saying it like it's wisdom? I was seriously trying to talk to you, man. Do you realize the stakes here? - You're ridiculous! - Smile. You've had a phone this entire fucking time? What else don't I know about you? How the hell do you know how to speak Arabic? Dad's never said anything about that. That's because your dad doesn't really know much about me. I was away with the army during most of his childhood. - So we were never that close. - Is that why he doesn't like you?
Dirty Grandpa
36.6s
Oh, my God, you should see your faces! I just went out to grab lunch and a new horse mask. I left mine at the beach the other day. Whoo! I thought you were gonna shit your pants, little guy. - Gun's real though. - What the fuck, man! Relax, this is Florida. Everything's a licensed gun range. You just shot through a wall, man! - Hey... - There's pedestrians outside! Yeah, again, it's Florida! These people don't matter. - What? - So? Welcome to Tam Pam Surf Slam. What can I do for you gentlemen? I'm Pam. - You're Pam? - Yeah. It's a nickname. Real name's Pamela.
Dirty Grandpa
29.3s
Okay, cool. You're not cops. In which case, welcome to drugs! - Oh, my God. - Now, I'm pretty cool, so I only sell the stuff that occurs naturally. So I got weed, I got mushrooms, I got meth. - Meth? - Yeah. How is that natural? Well, it occurs naturally in my cousin's basement in Baltimore, if you know what I mean. Okay, fine, drugs aren't your thing. Got it. Message received. In which case, listen, we got a great local charity here. Pam's Kids.
Dirty Grandpa
21.7s
- What's Pam's Kids? - It's my kids. I got four kids by six different women. I know, the numbers don't add up. Most of 'em are pretty developmentally disabled. One of 'em you gotta push around in a weird chair. Heyo! Now that is the generosity of the human spirit, and I appreciate that. Some of this money's gonna feed my kids, some of it's gonna get me a blowjob by a toothless whore behind a Dumpster down at the McDonald's.
Dirty Grandpa
1m13s
How are those washed-out pictures you're taking because you still have the lighting optimizer on? They're not... Where is that? Actually, it's really hypersensitive on the new 60D model. So you have to... - Wait. What is that? - Okay, nope. - What are you doing? - Give it back, Malibu Ken. - No... - What? You did it. You turned into one of those people. I turned into one of those people that gives a shit about something? Are you gonna chain yourself to a polar bear? Only if you let me borrow... What is this, a beach sweater? - Yeah. - What, did you just come from skiing? Yeah, I skied in, just to see you save the world. - One Jell-O shot at a time. - High-five! You want me to do your back? Only if you promise to do my front first. Gladly. Oh. Whoops! That never usually happens. Really? It happens to me all the time. Well, guess who just took a shit in the water? We've been looking for you bitches all day. - Where the fuck have you been? - Uh, our car broke down in Orlando. Do you ever look at your cell phone? Awesome. Who are these cunt punches? These are our friends that we met on the way down. - Yeah. - That's Cody and Brah. They're on the lacrosse team at Florida. - This guy plays lacrosse? - All-conference, brah! Yeah? Which one, the fucking Diabetes Conference?
Dirty Grandpa
59s
All right, we're about to boat race a bunch of those fucks from the University of Georgia up in the room. So... Oh, my God! University of Georgia! - No way! You're a Hornet? - Afraid so. Well, you guys should get in there then, Edward Jizzumhands. Well, thank you. We will. Good, that's great. I'll see you up there. Oh, good. Well, you say we'll be there and on time. - Sweet. I will. - Yeah. Yeah, let's do that. - No, we should. - Let's do it now. - Yeah, I'll see you up there. - What... Come to the hotel. By the pool. Georgia sucks! Can we please just go? They've got boyfriends. Those meatdick fucks? They're not their boyfriends. They're just seniors, and they're all just terrified and speed-fucking each other before the ship goes down. Didn't you ever go on Spring Break? No, I didn't go to Spring Break, 'cause I was studying for law school. Besides, I can't chug alcohol anymore like I used to, Grandpa. I've developed, like, a gag reflex. - A gag reflex? - Yeah. You're chugging a beer, not taking down a horse cock, Jason. Come on.
Dirty Grandpa
27.2s
- Go Hornets! - Go Hornets, yeah... Hey, you know, one in three of these girls has herpes. Even if you can't see it. Oh, Jesus. Nut the fuck up. It's just a college party, you nance. Chill! Hey, here they are. I'm gonna get some beers. What about you, twinkle toes? You want some of dat drank? Some of dat purple drank? Some of dat purple-ass muthafuckin' pimp-dick drank? Who the fuck are you?
Dirty Grandpa