Major Payne
Major Payne is a 1995 American military comedy film directed by Nick Castle and starring Damon Wayans, who wrote with Dean Lorey and Gary Rosen. The film co-stars Karyn Parsons, Steven Martini, and Michael Ironside. It is a loose remake of the 1955 film The Private War of Major Benson, starring Charlton Heston. Major Payne was released in the United States on March 24 and grossed $30 million. Wayans plays a hardened military officer who, after being discharged, attempts to lead a dysfunctional group of youth cadets to victory in a competition.
33.8s
- Major, have you ever done this kind of work before ? Woman, under this here hat... I've trained 20,432... combat killin' machines. Well, that's just my point. You see, now you're dealing with children, and children have special needs. Do you know what positive reinforcement means ? Is that anything like where you take a P.O.W. and you snap his neck... after you torture him, so he don't have to go through life with a colostomy bag?
Major Payne
25.4s
Payne's gonna kill us. You know I have a heart condition. I'm not sure he's familiar with my medical history. Let's go, let's go, let's go ! Come on ! Move it ! Saddle up that horsey and ride ! You ever hear of knocking, Dotson ? You won't have to worry about that anymore. I have good news for you, assholes. Pack your bedding, your kit and your clothes ! Let's go ! Where to ?
Major Payne
3m0s
Hello, cue balls ! Welcome to the house of Payne. He's gotta be joking. The squad that lives together, wins together. Unity, turds. That is the key word in "unit," without the y. Tiger, Leland, you will reside at the R.O.T.C. buildin'. The rest of you garbage, grab a rack and settle in. grab a rack and settle in. Let's move out. You eyeball me again, I'll snatch it out and put it in Heathcoat's cookie bag. It's so damp. What about my allergies ? You know how far we are from the kitchen ? - Why can't I stay here ? - 'Cause I said so. Major Payne, sir. What ? Sir, I think I speak for everyone when I say that this place is... unacceptable, sir. Really ? Love my barracks night and day Love my barracks night and day Won't complain That's where I'll stay Won't complain That's where I'll stay - Good plan this time, Alex. - Why don't you shut up ? All right, my little patch of Brussels sprouts, uproot yourselves, climb out the pool and get some rest. You're gonna need it. Tomorrow, ladies, we gonna start the hard stuff. - The hard stuff ? Let's move it, you turds ! You'll get no sympathy from me ! You want sympathy, look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis ! That's where you'll find my sympathy ! This ain't no walk in the park ! Move it ! Hustle, hustle ! Hey, Dumbo ! You should be able to fly through those tubes... - with them big-ass ears, boy ! - Yeah, Dumbo ! Fly, baby, fly ! Hey, Williams ! You tell Marlee Matlin's son... if he don't get across that rope, I'm gonna hang him with it ! He'll hang you with it ! Ha-ha-ha ! Heathcoat ! You get your fat body over that wall ! - Take your fat, pork chop body over that-- - You-- You shut up. Nobody's leavin' here until the average for this squad... is one minute, twenty seconds ! Come on, he can't do it ! Leave him alone. I can barely do it. It's slippery out here. Slippery, he say ! You think Charlie care anything about slippery ? Only thing he knows is slit your throat. What if this was a life or death situation ? But it's not a life or death situation. - It is now. One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Come on, guys ! What, are you crazy ? It's just a dummy grenade. Come on, guys ! What, are you crazy ? It's just a dummy grenade.
Major Payne
20.4s
So what is it, exactly ? Concentrated dithiazanine. - What the hell is that ? - It's like a super-laxative. This here'll pack enough punch to take out an entire football team. Payne'll never get off the can. He'll be makin' beef stool 'til graduation. - Yeah. - All right. Payne'll never know what hit him.
Major Payne