Ted 2

Ted 2 (stylized as ted2) is a 2015 American fantasy comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane and written by MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, and Wellesley Wild. It is the sequel to Ted. The film follows the talking teddy bear Ted (voiced by MacFarlane) as he fights for his civil rights in order to be recognized as a person and not as property. The film also stars Mark Wahlberg, Amanda Seyfried, Giovanni Ribisi, Jessica Barth, John Slattery, and Morgan Freeman. Principal photography began in Massachusetts in July 2014. Ted 2 was released on June 26, 2015, by Universal Pictures. Despite the film failing to achieve the critical and commercial success of its predecessor, it still became a box office success, grossing $215.9 million on a $68 million budget. In January 2024, a prequel television series began streaming on Peacock.

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Shit! What the hell do we do now? (PANTING)

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Hey, Ted, let me ask you something. What's that?

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Why didn't you just come to me?

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What are you talking about? For the sperm.

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Oh. Johnny, you kidding me, man? You were the first person I wanted to go to.

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But you've just been so bummed out over your divorce lately that I just... You know, I didn't want to put you in an awkward position.

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And plus, after seeing your laptop, I didn't think you had any left.

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Just so you know, I'm totally willing to do it.

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Really? You'd... You'd do that for me?

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Ted, you're my best friend. I'd do anything for you.

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Besides, we just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried to jerk him off... You're ready to be a parent.

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God... (CHUCKLES) I don't know what to say. Johnny, thank you! Thank you so much! Hey, thunder buddies for life, remember?

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Thunder buddies for life. Come on. We got to get out of here before the cops show up. MALE OFFICER: All units, we have a 3-17 on Maple Drive. Area units, please respond. What's a 3-17? Someone's trying to steal Tom Brady's jizz again.

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(SIREN BLARING) (TIRES SCREECH)

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What is that? What? What are you doing? I'm getting ready, dude. What do you mean you're getting ready? What are you doing to your hand? I'm doing this for you. I'm getting ready. I got to go in and perform. You got your hand on your diok. What are you doing? I'm trying to get it half hard, so when I get in there I could just bust it out. Sitting out here in public, jerking off? Where do you think you are? Red Lobster? What are you doing? What do you think I got to do in there? Forget it. Now, look, you haven't smoked pot for two whole days, right? Yes, I told you, I'm clean, all right? Your baby's gonna be fine. I'm sorry, ljustdonfi want something I got to feed with a pitchfork when he's 16.

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"John Bennett." Hi. Right this way. I'll show you where to deposit your specimen.

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Hey, Johnny. Johnny.

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(CHUCKLES)

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I'm John Bennett.

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(LAUGHS) I know, I just said your name. Oh, right, yeah, sorry, I'm just a little nervous. I've been out of the game for a while. The game? I don't talk to pretty girls that often. Pretty women, ladies.

Ted 2