Ted 2

Ted 2 (stylized as ted2) is a 2015 American fantasy comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane and written by MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, and Wellesley Wild. It is the sequel to Ted. The film follows the talking teddy bear Ted (voiced by MacFarlane) as he fights for his civil rights in order to be recognized as a person and not as property. The film also stars Mark Wahlberg, Amanda Seyfried, Giovanni Ribisi, Jessica Barth, John Slattery, and Morgan Freeman. Principal photography began in Massachusetts in July 2014. Ted 2 was released on June 26, 2015, by Universal Pictures. Despite the film failing to achieve the critical and commercial success of its predecessor, it still became a box office success, grossing $215.9 million on a $68 million budget. In January 2024, a prequel television series began streaming on Peacock.

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(SIGHING)

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(SOFTLY) Just calm down.

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Yeah, can I help you?

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Hey! Um, are you, uh, Tom Brady?

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Yeah. JOHN: Um, hey. Um...

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Your neighbors called, and your air conditioner's making a loud noise so I'm supposed to check out the unit. Uh, okay. Yeah, it's around back. Okay. Um, I just may need a signature in case I got to get some parts, for the billing.

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You could just, uh, write that to John and Ted. Put number 12.

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And you're not a cheater. I mean, I think your balls are perfect. It's around back. All right. Yeah.

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(CRACKLING)

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Stupid idiot.

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TED: Okay. Go, g0, 90!

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Take the damn raincoat off. It's making too much noise. Piss off! I don't wanna get anyjizz on me!

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Two League MVPs, four Super Bowl rings, guaranteed first ballot Hall of Famer. Now let's give him a handjob into this red Solo cup. (WHISPERS) All right. Go ahead. Wait, what do you mean, "Go ahead"? You got to do it.

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What are you talking about? You're the one who needs the sperm. Yeah, but it's got to be a human hand. It's got to be skin on skin, otherwise it doesn't work. No, it doesn't. It's just friction. Look, I've never done this before. Neither have I. You do it to yourself. Yeah, but that's different. You're an adult with a poster of this guy in your fucking room. You're telling me you don't want this?

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Yeah, I want it! You know I want it, but I'm nervous. What if he doesn't like the way I'm doing it? He deserves the best! Pull yourself together, for God's sakes. He's gonna love it. Go, go, go!

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All right.

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(GASPS) Sweet God and baby Jesus. (BREATHES SHAKILY) And that's at rest.

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(SHOUTS) What the hell? Mr. Brady, we just need a moment of your time. What are you doing here? Who are you? Get out of my house! (INDISTINCT TALKING)

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TED: Oh, God! Ahhh!

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(STUTTERS) Wait, Mr. Brady! Take your goddamn teddy bear with you! (TED YELLS) Holy shit! Perfect spiral! Come on, let's get out of here!

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