Ted 2

Ted 2 (stylized as ted2) is a 2015 American fantasy comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane and written by MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, and Wellesley Wild. It is the sequel to Ted. The film follows the talking teddy bear Ted (voiced by MacFarlane) as he fights for his civil rights in order to be recognized as a person and not as property. The film also stars Mark Wahlberg, Amanda Seyfried, Giovanni Ribisi, Jessica Barth, John Slattery, and Morgan Freeman. Principal photography began in Massachusetts in July 2014. Ted 2 was released on June 26, 2015, by Universal Pictures. Despite the film failing to achieve the critical and commercial success of its predecessor, it still became a box office success, grossing $215.9 million on a $68 million budget. In January 2024, a prequel television series began streaming on Peacock.

Video-background
18.8s
You want Flash Gordon to father your child? Yeah, I mean, do you think... Would that be weird? Would he be freaked out if I... No, I think he'd be flattered! And plus, your baby will be a fucking superhero! Well, that was the logic I arrived at as well. Yeah, I say do it! All right. I'll shoot him an e-mail right now, and see if I can stop by tonight. You come with me? Sure. All right, great.

Ted 2

Video-background
6.2s
Shit. I oan never get a signal in your apartment. Hey, oan I use your laptop? Yeah, go ahead. Okay, thanks.

Ted 2

Video-background
26.1s
(SHOUTS) What the fuck? Holy shit! Dude, what's the matter? Vvhathappened? What's going on? There's so much porn! Well, what the hell are you doing looking at my private shit? What are you talking about, "private shit"? Johnny, it was wide open! There are literally thousands of files here! Well, I've been meaning to clear some of that out. Jesus Christ. Look at the organization here! Clockwise rim job. Counterclockwise rim job! Yeah, well, sometimes you like seeing the tongue go the other way! You sick bastard! Look at this! Chicks with dicks?

Ted 2

Video-background
31.7s
Oh, my God! (SOBS) I have a disease, all right? I need help! There are no chicks with dicks, Johnny! Only guys with tits! Oh, this is such a relief! I'm so glad I'm finally caught. I wanted to be caught! Johnny, now you listen to me. This is a wake-up call, all right? You got to get back out there and meet somebody because you are spiraling out of control here. All right, fine, I will. Just stop looking at that shit, please! Johnny, I mean it. All right? The next chick you meet, you are getting back in the game. Fine, I got it. Done. All right. Now, let's get rid of this. What do you mean? We'll just delete the files! No,no,no. That shit can always be recovered. We got to smash your laptop with a hammer.

Ted 2

Video-background
5.1s
All right, there, you happy? No, the circuits could still be reconstructed if somebody worked at it. We got to bury it in the harbor.

Ted 2

Video-background
3.7s
TED: So, uh, basically that's it. We need a sperm donor.

Ted 2

Video-background
2.9s
So what do ya say? You'd really be helping me and Tami out.

Ted 2

Video-background
1.7s
No can do, my brother.

Ted 2

Video-background
1.6s
Well... Well, why not?

Ted 2

Video-background
5.8s
Oh, look, I did a lot of blow in the '80s and my sperm count's a little low.

Ted 2

Video-background
1.2s
Oh. How low?

Ted 2

Video-background
13.8s
One. Qne? Yeah, little fella's having his own I Am Legend in my nut sack. Oh. Can we have that one? No! Gonna need it for protein if I ever get lost at sea. Come on, guys. I mean, are we done here? I got to go.

Ted 2

Video-background
3.3s
That Sister, Sister marathon ain't gonna watch itself.

Ted 2

Video-background
7.2s
TED: Can't believe it. That son of a bitch! That was really selfish of him. I know. And after I watched his piece-of-shit movie, like, a hundred times.

Ted 2

Video-background
3.6s
God damn it! (ALARM BLARING) Ah! Oh, shit!

Ted 2

Video-background
14.4s
Johnny, please, just help me do this. Okay? He's the only guy in the world whose sperm is even close to Flash Gordon's. Ted, it's insane. We could get in a lot of trouble. But not if nobody finds out. Look, look, John, John. We sneak into his house, jerk him off in his sleep and sneak out with the sperm. It'll be easy!

Ted 2

Video-background
2s
And think how awesome the baby will be.

Ted 2

Video-background
2.2s
Would be a sweet-ass fucking baby.

Ted 2

Video-background
2.7s
All right, I'll help you. But we got to have a game plan.

Ted 2

Video-background
1.7s
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Ted 2