Ted 2

Ted 2 (stylized as ted2) is a 2015 American fantasy comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane and written by MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, and Wellesley Wild. It is the sequel to Ted. The film follows the talking teddy bear Ted (voiced by MacFarlane) as he fights for his civil rights in order to be recognized as a person and not as property. The film also stars Mark Wahlberg, Amanda Seyfried, Giovanni Ribisi, Jessica Barth, John Slattery, and Morgan Freeman. Principal photography began in Massachusetts in July 2014. Ted 2 was released on June 26, 2015, by Universal Pictures. Despite the film failing to achieve the critical and commercial success of its predecessor, it still became a box office success, grossing $215.9 million on a $68 million budget. In January 2024, a prequel television series began streaming on Peacock.

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I see.

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Hey, when I'm done here, how about a drink?

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(STAMMERS) Oh. I don't mean this. I meant, like, a regular drink. I have a boyfriend.

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Oh. Yeah, okay, yeah. Too bad. You're missing out on a great guy. Um, do I just spit in my hand or do I get a lube or something? A magazine?

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Video? I like Asian teen stuff preferably. There's lube right there. All right, yeah, thanks.

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Uh, excuse me. Where's your non-jerk-off bathroom? Down that hallway, to the left. Okay, thanks.

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Oh. No way! (CHUCKLES)

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Oh, hey, Doc, is this where you guys store all the, uh, stuff?

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It's the intermediary station before insemination. Are you submitting? No. My friend is, uh, yanking out a sample in one of the rooms.

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Oh, well, that's a good friend. Yeah. I'm Dr. Danzer. Oh, cool. (CHUCKLES) (SINGING) Hold me closer, Dr. Danzer Yeah, whatever, I don't know. Now, wait. You look familiar. Are you that teddy bear who came alive? I am. That's me, yeah. See, I was trying to figure out where I'd seen you before and that's it. Good eye, good eye. So, how did you get into this line of work? Do you just love oum?

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Uh, uh... Not especially, but I love helping good people fulfill their dreams of having children. It's amazing what we can do here.

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You want to have a look? Yeah, sure.

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This is where we perform our pre-implantation genetic diagnosis. We can eliminate hereditary diseases, such as cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy, sickle-cell anemia. The list goes on and on, really. Wow.

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Hey, Johnny! You did it! Right here, buddy. Ew. I mean, awesome! (CHUCKLES)

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Excuse me, Doctor, your wife's on the phone. She said it's an emergency.

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Excuse me, I'll be right back.

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You wanna see it? Huh? You wanna see your kid? I can see it from here, thanks,yeah. Dude, take a closer look. It's your kid. No,no,no! Come on! You got to take a closer look. That's close enough, Johnny! He's beautiful. Come on! I'll trade you. Catch. Oh, shit! Oh, God! Fuck!Dude, that's somebody's kid! Well, it's not my fault, A-Rod! You were supposed to catch it! We got to find something to scoop it up. There's containers over there. Scoop it up with that. Shit. All right.

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TED: No, no, that's not gonna work. You need two of them. You got to scoop one into the other.

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Oh, shit! Fuck!

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TED: Oh! Oh, fuck! Oh, my God! Fuck!Fuck! Oh, my God! It's in my eyes! I'm blinking it in! (GAGGING) You got to fucking help me! Oh, my God! It's in my fucking mouth! Hang on. I got to post this on Facebook. No! (CAMERA CLICKS)

Ted 2