Ted 2

Ted 2 (stylized as ted2) is a 2015 American fantasy comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane and written by MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, and Wellesley Wild. It is the sequel to Ted. The film follows the talking teddy bear Ted (voiced by MacFarlane) as he fights for his civil rights in order to be recognized as a person and not as property. The film also stars Mark Wahlberg, Amanda Seyfried, Giovanni Ribisi, Jessica Barth, John Slattery, and Morgan Freeman. Principal photography began in Massachusetts in July 2014. Ted 2 was released on June 26, 2015, by Universal Pictures. Despite the film failing to achieve the critical and commercial success of its predecessor, it still became a box office success, grossing $215.9 million on a $68 million budget. In January 2024, a prequel television series began streaming on Peacock.

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(LAUGHTER)

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Uh-huh. And, uh, why does Ted not possess a, uh, male appendage?

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Is it a freak of genetics?

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No, asshole, he ain't got a dick because he's a fucking toy! What's your excuse? Whoa-ho! Take a burn! Yeah! How's your tongue taste in your own ass, Poindexter? Yeah! How'd you... What? (GAVEL BANGS) Order!

Ted 2

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Mr. Bennett, how would you categorize your relationship with Ted?

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He's my best friend.

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So you don't see him as your property.

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No, he's not my property. He's a person. He's way more of a person than lots of other people. I mean, fucking Steven Tyler? What the fuck is that? Some kind of weird soccer-mom-looking Goonie monster? Your Honor? I'll allow it.

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Thank you, Your Honor.

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Your witness.

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(CLEARS TH ROAT)

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Mr. Bennett, when and where did you first encounter Ted?

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Oh, what do you mean? My parents got him for me when I was a kid. A-ha. They "got him."

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Where did they get him?

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Child World toy store. I'm sorry, I couldn't hear that. Could you repeat that, please? Child World toy store. You fucking heard me. There's no need for hostility, Mr. Bennett. Why? Nobody here likes you! I saw you eating lunch alone! You're a loser! Your Honor? Mr. Bennett. I hope your kids get bird flu! Mr. Bennett! I'm sorry.

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Now, you said your parents purchased Ted, as one might purchase a baseball glove or a Big Wheel. No, it's not like that! Objection! You can't do that! You know what? This is bullshit! This court is trying to tell me that I'm not as good as other people, and this is exactly what you've been doing to the fags! Ted! Sorry, sorry. The homos, the homos. This is exactly what you've been doing to the homos, and I say it's wrong! Ms. Jackson, please control your client or I'll hold both of you in contempt of court! Oh, piss off! I'm standing up for rne and I'm standing up for the homos! We deserve respect! Ted, shut up! Fine.

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(VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS)

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Your Honor, I'd like to call Ted Clubber Lang to the stand. Yes!

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My turn, assholes!

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Ted, do you love your wife? Objection. She's not his wife. The marriage was annulled. I'll rephrase.

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