Major Payne

Major Payne is a 1995 American military comedy film directed by Nick Castle and starring Damon Wayans, who wrote with Dean Lorey and Gary Rosen. The film co-stars Karyn Parsons, Steven Martini, and Michael Ironside. It is a loose remake of the 1955 film The Private War of Major Benson, starring Charlton Heston. Major Payne was released in the United States on March 24 and grossed $30 million. Wayans plays a hardened military officer who, after being discharged, attempts to lead a dysfunctional group of youth cadets to victory in a competition.

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"Bad To The Bone" by George Thorogood and the Destroyers Now on the day I was born The nurses all gathered round And they gazed in wide wonder At the joy they had found The head nurse spoke up Said leave this one alone She could tell right away That I was bad to the bone Bad to the bone Bad to the bone Bad to the bone Bad - Let's move out ! - Get in front of that wall ! - B-B-B-B-Bad - Follow me ! B-B-B-B-Bad Bad to the bone When I walk the streets Kings and queens step aside - Every woman I meet They all stay satisfied I wanna tell you about it baby What I see I make my own And I'm here to tell you, honey - That I'm bad to the bone - My arm ! - Bad to the bone - I've been shot ! - Bad to the bone Let me take a look at that. - Want me to show you a little trick ? Take your mind off that arm ? Give me your hand. Now, you may feel a little... pressure.

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Agh ! My finger ! My finger ! - Work every time. And I'm bad to the bone Bad to the bone B-B-B-B-B-Bad B-B-B-B-Bad B-B-B-B-Bad Bad to the bone You had better give up, senor. You cannot kill us all. Nope, but I can clean your colon out quicker than... one of them burritos with extra guacamole sauce.

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And I'm bad to the bone B-B-B-B-Bad B-B-B-B-Bad B-B-B-B-Bad At ease, Payne.

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Relax. Do you know why you're here ? Sir, no, sir ! The promotion board report came out last week. This is the new lieutenant colonel list. Your name is not on it. You get two chances to advance, then we gotta show you the hatch.

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Base admin is cutting your discharge orders right now. General, are you tryin' to tell me in all this man's military... there is no room left for a trained weapon of destruction ? The fighting is no longer done on the battlefields, Payne. Now all the blood is shed in the halls of Congress. Boys like us are becoming dinosaurs.

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There gotta be somebody need some killin'. I'm sorry, Major, there's no one left. You've killed 'em all. Good luck.

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It's been two whole weeks since I killed me a man, and already I'm startin' to get the itch. Problem is I ain't got nothin' to scratch. God, I'm hungry. Hungry for action. - Hungry for blood. Hell. I'm just plain ol' hungry.

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- Feel I'm gettin' weaker... while Charlie's growin' stronger in the jungle. I can't lose my edge. I gotta keep my strength up. I gotta maintain discipline. Because the hard reality was... I gotta get a job. - And what better place... than somewhere that would allow me to employ... my skills as a trained killer. Mister... Payne ?

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This is a dramatization of a domestic violence dispute. You arrive on the scene to find a woman, played by Ms. Goodwin, - Hello, ma'am. - claiming to have been assaulted... by her husband, played by Mr. Shipman. - Happy to meet you. - Same here. Your objective is to effectively neutralize the situation. Neutralize.

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Begin. He hit me ! - You like to beat women ? - Officer, l-- Don't never... hit... her... again. - Hear me ? Hear me ? Huh ? - I-l can't-- Wait ! Agh ! Ooh !

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Payne, what happened ? You've only been out one week. It's civilian life, sir. I had a minor setback. Listen, I made some calls, and I got an assignment for you. It's not great, you understand, but it gets you back in the military.

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So after two and a half weeks... of livin' a civilian puke's existence, I was back in uniform, back in the Corps.

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Back to the sweet smell of mustard gas... and killin'. Little did I know what awaited for me. I've toured 11 separate engagements... from Iraq to Haiti, but nothin' I did would prepare me for this newest assignment. I was told it would be my greatest challenge. It was sure to be a living hell.

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The Glee Club... - will be meeting at 3:30.

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Will the teachers please report to the quad... for the science fair judging. Tiger ? Tiger, come back here. - I'm not gonna chase you.

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What you runnin' from, boy ? She's tryin' to give me a shot ! You don't like needles ? You want me to show you a little trick take your mind off that pain ? Here, gimme your hand. Now, you may feel a little bit of pressure. Hi, I'm Emily Walburn, the school counselor. You must be Major Payne.

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That's a mighty fine handshake you got there. - You wanna wrestle ? Uh, no thanks. I wrestle with these kids all day. This one's usually my big helper. Come on, Tiger. Nice meeting you, Major. Nice meetin' you, Miss Ma'am.

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Tiger ! Tiger, come back here ! I'm not gonna chase you.

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Mmm.

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- Come in.

Major Payne