National Lampoon's Van Wilder

National Lampoon's Van Wilder is a 2002 comedy film directed by Walt Becker and written by Brent Goldberg and David T. Wagner. The film stars Ryan Reynolds as the title character alongside Tara Reid, Kal Penn, and Tim Matheson. The film follows the misadventures of its lead character, Van Wilder, a seventh-year senior who has made it his life goal to help undergrads at Coolidge College succeed in the future. After an article is written about his legacy by fellow student, Gwen Pearson (played by Reid), Van Wilder's party lifestyle is brought to light. This attracts the attention of Wilder's father, played by Matheson, who cuts off his tuition. Wilder becomes stuck in the middle of a love triangle between Gwen and her mean-spirited boyfriend, Richard Bagg while struggling to graduate. He tries various schemes to earn enough money to pay his tuition and graduate, with help from Gwen and the rest of the student body, except for a couple of sinister enemies who attempt to sabotage his efforts. The film received mostly negative reviews from critics but was popular with audiences. The film grossed $21,305,259 at the US box office; $16,970,224 at the international box office; and $38,275,483 overall, thus making it a box-office success. A sequel, Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj, was released on December 1, 2006. A prequel, Van Wilder: Freshman Year, was released straight-to-DVD on July 14, 2009. The movie is loosely based on a Rolling Stone article featuring comedian Bert Kreischer.

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It's like this itchy, rashy burning sensation. And it hurts when I-- - Dance? - When I pee.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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- You hooked up with a burner. - Yeah. She seemed like a nice girl, said it was her first time? Always check the quality of the turf before you step onto the field. Listen, go to the campus hospital, see Stu. Tell him Van sent you, and remember-- Don't be a fool. Wrap your tool. Thanks, Van. Thanks a lot. Don't thank me. Thank penicillin.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Crazy kids with their crazy VD.

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- You must be Van. - Hi.

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I'm Gwen Pearson, staff writer for The Liberator.

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Okay, look, that old bag is stronger than she looks. I'm doing a human interest piece on you. I'm flattered. I'd love for your piece to be on me. But sadly I don't do interviews. Never have, never will. I do lunch. My editor did say this would be a challenge. Van, second date with Emily. Blue. Brings out your eyes. Kid's got killer eyes, not unlike yourself. - Has anyone told you that before? - Yes, my boyfriend.

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Is it true that this is your seventh year at Coolidge? Carry the two-- Yes, that's correct. So what's your boyfriend's name? Does he go to school here? - Does he appreciate you? - That's none of your business. You know what? You're right.

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His name's Richard. He's premed. Van, you have a 1:30 with the swim team. On it. - You have an assistant? - Yes, I do.

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Is there anything you can tell me about yourself... that I haven't already found out from your public records? I'll be at the quad tomorrow night at 10:00. Sound good? - It's a date. - It's an interview, not a date. Gwen, first dates are interviews.

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You going out tonight? Rob's coming over. I'm closing in on that diamond, Gwen. The dynamic duo will seal the deal tonight. Good luck, ladies.

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Somebody got awfully dressed up to quiz me on my anatomy midterm. I'm so sorry, baby. I totally forgot. - I have an interview for the paper. - At 10:00 at night? Can't you postpone it? Gwen, first exam-- most crucial. It's not like you're on a deadline for the Boston Globe. It's the only time he had available. I'll call you as soon as I get back. Bye.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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He?

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All right. Gwen, all right! You're just in time. - Take your clothes off. - I'm not taking off my clothes. It is the Naked Mile Run. Everybody else is in their birthday suit. Except that guy.

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- I have a few questions for you. - In time. This is gonna be fun. You know that three-letter word that starts with F? So you're quite the campus man, heading events like the J�ger Olympics. Yes, well, you haven't lived... until you've shot putted blitzed on J�ger. - Heinie? - This was a really bad idea.

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Are we gonna reschedule or what?

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Who's a big boy?

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Oh, God! Those things could raise the Titanic.

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You Van Wilder? The strip club owner got tired of using his B squad... so he came back for the starting lineup. Topless Tutors was dead.

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We are truly up the Ganges River without a bamboo oar. We're still $1,200 short of your next tuition payment. Taj, I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. Write that down. Don't even sweat it, Taj. I've got a plan.

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- Let's go get fucked up. - Sounds good. Is that all you think about? I admit I applied for this job... because I wanted to cut loose and shake my rump... but I do not believe that this dilemma will be solved by partying.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder