National Lampoon's Van Wilder

National Lampoon's Van Wilder is a 2002 comedy film directed by Walt Becker and written by Brent Goldberg and David T. Wagner. The film stars Ryan Reynolds as the title character alongside Tara Reid, Kal Penn, and Tim Matheson. The film follows the misadventures of its lead character, Van Wilder, a seventh-year senior who has made it his life goal to help undergrads at Coolidge College succeed in the future. After an article is written about his legacy by fellow student, Gwen Pearson (played by Reid), Van Wilder's party lifestyle is brought to light. This attracts the attention of Wilder's father, played by Matheson, who cuts off his tuition. Wilder becomes stuck in the middle of a love triangle between Gwen and her mean-spirited boyfriend, Richard Bagg while struggling to graduate. He tries various schemes to earn enough money to pay his tuition and graduate, with help from Gwen and the rest of the student body, except for a couple of sinister enemies who attempt to sabotage his efforts. The film received mostly negative reviews from critics but was popular with audiences. The film grossed $21,305,259 at the US box office; $16,970,224 at the international box office; and $38,275,483 overall, thus making it a box-office success. A sequel, Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj, was released on December 1, 2006. A prequel, Van Wilder: Freshman Year, was released straight-to-DVD on July 14, 2009. The movie is loosely based on a Rolling Stone article featuring comedian Bert Kreischer.

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Okay, you can do this.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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I'm all out of love I'm so lost without you I know you were right believing for so long You must be Gwen-- the truck driver.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Hey. Excuse me. Gwen!

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Hey, hold up a second. What are you doing here? What am I doing here? What were you doing in there? As smashed as I am, I'm pretty sure that's my room, wasn't it? What was that girl, a freshman? She reads at a sophomore level. This was a big mistake, Van. I'm leaving. Why are you here? Did you come to hire me to do your bachelorette party? 'Cause your party pimp has already been booked by your fianc�. - My fianc�? What are you talking about? - When are you two tying the knot? Seriously, I'd really like to hold that date open. That is none of your business. And you know what? You're none of mine.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Sounds to me like your rectal itch was getting a late-night booty scratch. First, my bitch turns down my proposal. Then she runs into that loser's arms. Now I don't even know where my bitch is. Wilder's got some big blowout tonight. Maybe your bitch is gonna be there. You do not call her that, gonad! Hey, guys. Just giving you all the 411 . I'm a counselor for the Further Leaders of America's overnighter. The bus doesn't leave for a few hours. Is there anything I can do before I go? Anything at all?

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Okay, listen up. We've got one quick stop off before we go. Tit wad!

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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All right, thank you, man. Enjoy yourself. All right, sister. Enjoy yourself. Power to the people. - How you doing, my man? - What's up?

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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I hate to break this to you, Ming, but you ain't Asian.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Man, you ever heard of Tiger Woods, bitch? You better get out of here before I hit you upside the head with a three iron. What's wrong with you? Enjoy yourself. - What's wrong, dog? - Nothing. I don't feel like partying.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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That's a first. Hey, Van. I just wanted to come by and extend an olive branch. - ID, please. - It's a terrible picture of me, but-- Well, I'll be the judge of-- There's nothing fake about this ID. Did you sit behind me two semesters ago? I think I remember this behind. I mean, you sitting behind me. This whole rivalry thing has become a tad childish. Well, I hope we can put it all behind us and be friends. That's what Gwen wants. You have absolutely no idea what Gwen wants.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Say hi to your gerbil for me.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Okay, kids. This is our Uncle J�ger. That's right. Drink up. This tastes like shit. Do you have any scotch?

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Gotta go. Sorry. Bye. Bye-bye. Call me. Gentlemen. Trooper. We got an anonymous tip that there's some underage drinking going on here. Hutch? Hell no, man. I've been at the door all night.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Good enough for me. Have fun, guys. All right, Trapper. Stay cool.

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- I love you, man. - No, man. I love you.

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Those circus midgets cannot hold their booze!

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Don't worry, Van. We'll get you out, man.

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Delta Iota Kappa rules!

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Damn it, Gwen, pick it up. I know you're there. You know I have my Northwestern interview next week.

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Look, I need you to help me "release"... some pressure. You know, help me "relax." Just so we're clear, I'm talking about intercourse. I know you had a fling with Wilder. And it's okay. You just had to get it out of your system. I just hope you used some protection. And I wouldn't want our future children to be tainted... because Mommy went slumming one night back in college.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder