Found 289 results
1m38s
What's up, Nick? Fucking sucks dick about Grandma, huh? Yeah. Old woman fucking murdered like that. - Nick, she had cancer. - That's what they want you to think. She had cancer for ten years. A little too convenient, Jason. No, it's not... at all. We'll never know the truth. - We absolutely know the truth. - Yeah. Grandma had cancer for 10 years. You don't just die from cancer, Jason! It's a conspiracy, man. Just like 9/11. Oh, God. For your information, Grandma is not right here. Grandma is gone and she was taken from us, - we must find the man that did this! - Nick! Stop it! Ow, man! These are Rockports! Fuck, man! I just got these. - Calm down... - See you at the crossroads, Grandma. What are you doing? Are you kidding me? Right now? Hey, get your shit together! My dad and my fiancée are literally standing right next to us. - Beyoncé's here? - No. Your dad and fiancée are standing next to Beyoncé? - What? No. - Is Jay Z here too? - No. - Is Blue lvy here? - Nick. - I'm in the minority. I think that kid's gonna be hot. What is that? Hmm? - What are you doing? - I'm just... - Are you fucking high right now? - No, this isn't... - You're high as a kite! - It's an e-cigarette. It's filled with a little weed, but it's an e-cigarette. Grow up, man! What are you doing? "Grow up"? How adult are you? What, do you listen to NPR in your Volvo? You play racquetball competitively against business associates? - No. No. - You ever go away to a rented house with other couples and then play Scattergories - over a bottle of white wine? - Jason.
Dirty Grandpa
1m47s
Fuck! Whoa, whoa, whoa! What happened? Why are they going? What did you do? What? I told them the truth. I told them that I'm getting married next week, and you're not well because your wife just died. What are you, fucking vagina repellent? Those cougars wanted to party! - They wanted to party? - Yes! Do you hear yourself? Grandpa, are you kidding me right now? Grandma... I'm trying to listen to myself. Grandma's funeral was yesterday! Now you wanna hit on college girls? You're jerking off to porn? - What's wrong with you? - Jason, I want to fuck! Oh, my God... For the first time in 40 years I'm single and I want to fuck. I want to fuck until my dick falls off. I want to fuck a horse and I wanna drink its blood! I'm gonna throw up. I was faithful to your grandmother every day for 40 years, even through the menopause, even through the cancer. She was the love of my life. I'll miss her every goddamn day. But she told me on her deathbed, "You get back out there again." I haven't had sex in 15 years, Jason, and I want to fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Oh, so that's what this is all about? This whole thing. You didn't want to be with me. You wanted me to drive you down to Boca so I could be your fucking wingman? Well, obviously I made a bad decision because you're nothing but a cock-blocking machine. I don't know what you are. You're like the lsraeli Iron Dome defense system, but with vaginas instead of missiles. - What? - You're like some sort of cock-blocking Terminator sent back from the future to cock-block humans. - Oh! - The robots should have sent you instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger, you could have cock-blocked John Connor's parents - and he would never have been born! - Shut up, Grandpa! - Shut up! - What got into you? I remember you in high school, you were ripping people's dicks off on the football field, talking about traveling the world! Now you're pushing some papers at a fucking law firm and probably peeing sitting down. Grandpa, I don't know what you thought this weekend was going to be about, but I came here for one reason, to get you to Boca. That's it. - Fine. - Now can I please play some golf? - Fucking golf. - Okay. Cocky McBlockerson.
Dirty Grandpa
59.6s
For what's it worth, I still really want to fuck you. - And we're going to fuck. - Yeah, we are. - We're going to thunder fuck. - You're gonna tsunami on my face! You're gonna flood like the Nile. Yeah. I guess the drought in my pussy is finally over. The villagers will finally eat. You're gonna die while you're eating me out. I want your last breath to be in my pussy. Lenore! You're such a slut. - Police! - That's right. Po-po in the ho-ho. Some kind of ganja party? - Sorry to harsh your mellows. - Where's my e-vite? - Is that the jacket? - Check the right coat pocket. - Check it, man. - Okay, turn around. Come on. That's my jacket. That's not his jacket. Up against the palm. There you go. Let's have a look. What've you got in here? Huh? - Bingo-bango. - OMG. What the fuck? That's not mine! - "What the fuck?" - That's not mine! The fuck? Well, it looks like Spring Break is finally drug free! Come on, let's go. Let's go, pretty boy. Oh, shall we? No, it doesn't go down that way. Let's go. I'll wait for you, Grandpa. Keep that shit tight for me! He's my Henry Miller. - What the fuck does that mean? - Exactly!
Dirty Grandpa