Found 453 results
32.8s
What do we tell the girls, we couldn't do the one thing... ...we promised because we're dickless incompetents? Now we're never gonna bone because of that used tampon, Fogell. How'd he get into Dartmouth? I don't get it. He's got shit for brains. All right, how else can we get alcohol? - Yo, guys! What's up? - Fogell, where have you been, man? You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack. - Let me see it. Did you pussy out? - No, no, man. I got it. It's flawless. Check it. Hawaii? All right, that's good. It's hard to trace, I guess. Wait, you changed your name to McLovin?
Superbad
29.8s
- Yeah, sure. - Fine with me. Why not? Everyone should hold a gun at least a couple times. Yeah, there you go. - Have a blast. - "Have a blast." - That's funny. - I've never held one of these before. - Are they hard to shoot? - If you're Michaels, they are. - He can't shoot worth dick. - What? I can shoot. What are you...? Wait. - I can't shoot worth dick? - You cannot shoot. - I shot that cat last week. - It was already dead, man. - I still shot it. - That cat was dead. There's only one way to settle this, guys.
Superbad
1m35s
- Oh, fuck me. - Look at those nipples. They're like little baby toes. It's not fair they get to flaunt that stuff... ...and I have to hide every erection I get. You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it and it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton. I mean, just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners... ...and just, like, wanted to see them. I mean, that's the world I one day wanna live in. It's been two years since I've seen an actual human female nipple. Shauna? Shauna was two years ago now? Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. But she was insanely hot. Exactly. She was too hot, okay? That's what sucks. How can that suck? I'd be psyched if I got with her. You got, like, two dozen handjobs. Yes, and three-quarters of a blowjob, but who's counting? Look, it was the peak of my ass-getting career... ...and it happened way too early. - You're like Orson Welles. - Exactly! If I'd paced myself, I'd be having at least steady sex... ...with a decent-looking girl. I honestly see now why Orson Welles ate his fat ass to death. You'll have sex in college, everyone does. But the point is to be good at sex by the time you get to college. You don't want girls thinking you suck dick at fucking pussy. I still think you have a chance with Jules. She got incredibly hot over last summer... ...and she obviously hasn't realized it yet... ...because she's still talking to you and flirting with you. Are you out of your mind? Look at Jules' dating record, okay? She dated Dan Remick, who's had a six-pack since, like, kindergarten. Jason Stone, who looks like fucking Zack Morris. And Matt Muir. Matt Muir. He's the sweetest guy ever. Have you ever stared into his eyes? It was like the first time I heard the Beatles.
Superbad
55.6s
Why would she end her high school career with me? Becca dated Eric Rosecrantz for like two years. Yeah, but he's a fucking idiot. You're a step up from that dick-load. That's why you need to stop... Will you get this? That's why you need to stop being a pussy and nail her. You could bang her before you leave. And I'm not gonna dance around it, she looks like a good fucker. I'm tired of you talking about her like that, man. What, you can talk about her all day and if I say one thing, it's blasphemy? Well, I don't constantly insult her. I'm not trying to insult her. I'm just saying that she looks like a good fucker, okay? She looks like she can take a dick. Some women pride themselves on their dick-taking abilities. Dick-taking abilities? You think that's good to say about someone? The fucked-up thing is, I actually do, okay? If a woman tried to compliment me on my dick-giving abilities, I'd be psyched. Hey, yo, Seth. What? Did you hear I'm having a big grad party next Saturday? - No. - Yeah.
Superbad