Found 245 results
36.6s
Uh, listen, I heard about your... your settlement. Congratulations. Well, thanks, Peter. You know, I'm glad you're here, because I wanted to talk to you. I know how you get depressed about your job and all, and... I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel. I used to be the same way. - Really? - Sure. Maybe I didn't whine as much. But I bet I hated my job even more than you... and I'd been doing it for over thirty years. Wow. Just remember, if you hang in there long enough... good things can happen in this world. I mean, look at me.
Office Space
1m6s
Good one. Oh, that's terrific, Peter. I'm sure you've... you've heard some of the rumours... circulating around the hallways... about how we're going to do a little "housecleaning..." with some software people. Well, Bob, I have heard that. You gotta do what you gotta do. We'll be getting rid of these people. First, Mr. Samir Naga... Naga... Naga-gonna work here anymore, anyway. And Mr. Mike Bolton. Nobody's gonna miss him. You're gonna layoff Samir and Michael? Yeah. We're gonna bring in some entry-level graduates. Farm some work out to Singapore, that's the usual deal. It's standard operating procedure. Do they know this yet? No. No, of course not. We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown... there's less chance of an incident... if you do it at the end of the week. Peter, what we'd like to do is put you into position... to have as many as four people... working right underneath you. This is a big promotion, Pete. So you're going to fire Michael and Samir... and give me more money?
Office Space
1m25s
Samir and I are the best programmers they got. You haven't been showin' up, and you get to keep your job. Actually, I'm being promoted. - What? - I know, Michael. It's completely unfair. And I realised something today. It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us together. I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist. Maybe it was just shock, and it's wearing off now... but when I saw that fat man keel over and die... Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth. We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles... staring at computer screens all day... filling out useless forms... and listening to eight different bosses... drone on about mission statements. I told those fudgepackers I liked Michael Bolton's music. Ohh. That is not right, Michael. For five years now, you've worked your ass off... hoping for a promotion, profit sharing, or something. Five years... of your mid-twenties now gone. And you're gonna go in tomorrow... they're gonna throw you out on the street. You know why? So Bill Lumbergh's stock will go up a quarter of a point. Ugh. Michael, let's make that stock go down... and let's take enough money out of that place... so that we never have to sit in a cubicle ever again.
Office Space
53.6s
Peter, would you be a good sport... and indulge us and just... tell us a little more? Oh, yeah. Let me tell you something about T.P.S. Reports. Ahh... The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's that I just don't care. Don't... don't care? It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now, if I work my ass off... and Initech ships a few extra units... I don't see another dime. So where's the motivation? And here's something else, Bob... I have eight different bosses right now. - I beg your pardon? - Eight bosses. - Eight? - Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake... I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation, is not to be hassled. That and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob... that'll only make someone work just hard enough... not to get fired.
Office Space
45.3s
It's pretty brilliant. What it does is every time there's a bank transaction... where interest is computed... There are thousands a day... the computer ends up with these fractions of a cent... which it usually rounds off. What this does is it takes those little remainders... and puts it into an account. - This sounds familiar. - They did it in "Superman III." Right, uh... An underrated movie, actually. There were hackers that did it in the seventies as well. - So they check for this now. - No, here's the thing. Initech's so backed up with all the software we're updating... they'd never notice. You're right. Even if they wanted to, they couldn't check all that code. Thumbs up their asses. Thumbs up their asses. So, Michael, what's to stop you from doing this? It's not worth the risk. I got a good job.
Office Space
53s
Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday, and you're not feelin' real well... does anyone ever say to you... "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays"? No. No, man. Shit, no, man. You'd get your ass kicked, sayin' something like that, man. Huh. We still goin' fishin' this weekend? Ah, Lumbergh's gonna have me come in on Saturday. I just know it. Well, you can get out of that easily. Yeah? How? Well... when a boss wants you to work on Saturday... he generally asks you at the end of the day, right? Yeah. So all you gotta do is avoid him... that's all right... I got it... on the last few hours on Friday... duck out early... turn off your answering machine... you should be home free, man. That's a really good idea. Fuckin' "A," man.
Office Space
42.6s
L... I didn't receive my paycheque this week. Uh, you're going to have to talk to payroll about that. I did and they said... Milt, we're gonna go ahead... and move you downstairs into storage "B." No, l... I... New people are coming, and we need the space. But there's no space... So if you could go ahead and pack your stuff... and move it down there... that would be terrific. OK? Uh, excuse me... I believe you have my stapler, please. Hmm. You've been missing a lot of work lately. I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob.
Office Space