Found 478 results
19.1s
- Take your hands away. I saw the boner. - I'm not doing it. Move your fucking hands. - Fine! You wanna see it? - Yeah. Feast your eyes. I'm gonna go poop out these drugs. You're gonna go jerk off these thoughts. If we both still wanna talk about this afterwards, we can. But not until then. Dave Skylark never backs down from a jerk-off.
The Interview
39.8s
- She is so cool. - You don't see what's happening. - And it's so obvious, it's crazy, man. - What? - They're honeypotting us. - What? It's an attractive spy woman who lures men into doing shit. How can you not see that? - Because that is so sexist. - Is it? This is 2014. Women are smart now. You think she just so happens to have everything you find attractive? Bangs, giant tits, glasses? - They're fake, man. - Fake glasses? - How could the CIA come up with that? - That poor girl is blind as a bat. I'm just saying that when we're on molly and when we're horned up, might not... - "Horned up"? Oh, please. - You are horned up. You have half a fucking chub right now!
The Interview
23.4s
Explosions. All over my face. I'm sorry. We had kind of a long night. Why are you telling us all this information? We're telling you this because you two lucky gentlemen... are going to be in a room alone with him. - And congratulations, by the way. - That's right! Which is why we're here. The CIA would love it... if you two could... take him out.
The Interview
59.9s
- What the fuck is this? - It's my bag. Wonderful. That's not the bag the CIA gave you. - Oh, that bag? - Yes, that bag. That bag was fugly with a capital "fug"! It was designed to conceal poison that we're gonna smuggle in. Kim is a superfan. He knows I take fashion risks. I show up with that other bag, Kim's gonna be like: "Aw, no. You got ugly bag? You no Skylark. You secret agent. Terminate him." - Where's the fucking poison strip?! - I put the strip in a pack of gum. - They'll never find it. - I am not cool with this. - It's showtime. - "Showtime"? It's not showtime. - Dave Skylark Tonight! - What are you doing? Stop walking. - Hello! - Stop walking. We are going to North Korea. Skylark, which side of President Kim's ass you gonna kiss? Not gonna kiss him, but let's just say... I might give him something special with my hand. You gonna jerk him off? - What? No, that's a double entendre! - Shut the fuck up! - I'm foreshadowing! - Just shut up! Get in the fucking car! Shut up! Shut up! Why would you say that? Why would you say that?
The Interview
28.1s
Aaron peels off the film marked "A"... exposing the adhesive coating. - He applies the strip to Dave's palm. - Okay. Aaron will then remove the film marked "B," exposing the ricin. - Clear. Okay. - Okay, clear. Okay. Dave needs to appear casual as he is transferred from his room... to the broadcast facility. It is critical that he keeps his hand open and touches... nothing. Dave Skylark.
The Interview
1m32s
- Bam! - What kind of porn are you watching? What happens when his guards start firing at you... for killing their leader in front of them? - Good question. - My bulletproof vest... No, you don't have a bulletproof vest. - You don't have one. - I will dodge those bullets. What happens after you escape the compound? I look back over my shoulder, I see Aaron. I grab him by the hand. We run out into the woods. Perhaps there's a secret tunnel there. We exit said tunnel. At a designated spot... SEAL Team 6 swoops in... puts us on one of those inflatable motorboats. We hit the water. We're out of there, on our way to you. If you tried to do this, what would kill you first? - Subfreezing temperatures. - I don't like the cold. - Okay, we wear... - Starvation. Starve to death. You're telling me the CIA doesn't have North Face jackets and Pirate Booty? Cap'n Crunch? - What about Siberian tigers? - What? You're not going to shoot him. Not going to be a bulletproof vest. And nobody is going to know that you had anything to do with this. That's it. That's the plan. - Period. - Okay. Two years later, I come out with my best-selling tell-all: An Unexpected Journey: Dave Skylark's Adventures in North Korea. You can't write a tell-all. We were in an oddly shaped gray room at the CIA Headquarters. - The titillating Agent Lacey... - Stop doing that. - Why? - There's no tell-all. "There's no tell-all," Agent Lacey said. She looked at him. She trembled with rage. - Or was it passion? - Stop it. I just want everybody to know that I know what you did to me.
The Interview
54.8s
- I got LASIK. - Between the time I saw you and now? - Yes. - Okay. Now, our intelligence suggests that you will be taken here... to Kim Jong-un's personal compound. So preceding the interview... you are going to shake Kim's hand... administering a fatal dose of poison... with this: a transdermal, time-delayed ricin strip. When you shake his hand... the poison will be absorbed into his skin... where it metabolizes for a 12-hour period. Nobody will have any idea you two were involved. No one will know? The United States must maintain total and complete deniability. - Total deniability? - Obviously. What did you picture? I walk in there like a fucking gangster... and blow his little fucking ass away on television. This is a major television event. You don't wanna blow it with an off-screen death.
The Interview
1m2s
- What? - With the glasses. Honeycombed me. - What does that mean? - You honeypotted him. - It's "honeypot." - You honeypotted me. - You honeypotted him. - No, I didn't. He said a lot of stupid shit in the last 10 minutes, but you did honeypot him. I bet you got him in here as a honeydick, in case I'm gay. But I'm not. But if I was, I would've seen him coming a mile away. - You honeydicking? - Look. She's not honeypotting you. I'm not honeydicking him. It's very offensive. If you think about it... you're saying because I'm a girl and because I'm attractive... my only use for this agency would be to manipulate men. I think it's offensive too. That's what I said to Aaron. I Said, "That bitch is blind as a bat." Could we please move on? We have a dictator to kill. When handling the ricin strip, operate with extreme caution. Even momentary flesh contact with the exposed strip is fatal. The poison will lay dormant for 12 hours. After it passes the blood-brain barrier, your heart rate would shoot up to 160. Your body will strain to reject the poison by sweating, defecating, vomiting. Within minutes, you will be dead. Got it?
The Interview