Found 777 results
1m26s
Now, this is what I'm fucking talking about. This is so fucked up. Calm down, you'll get to hang out with that gypsy girl you like. - I don't like her. - Oh, yes, you do. That's why you didn't deny being a photographer for Time magazine. You can hang out with her, I can have vaginal sex with Lenore. It all works out! We can even go visit my old army buddy, Stinky. Stinky? Which tiki bar are they in? Oh, shit. Shit. Shit. - What's that? - It's Meredith. - Please, I've got to answer that. - Ah, tell her to fuck off. Grandpa! I'm just gonna check the testosterone levels on your phone first. Grandpa, give me my phone now! Just as I thought. Pretty low. This is Meredith calling... Shit! Now, look what you did, you dropped it in the car's vagina. God damn it, I have to put it on speaker. - Don't say anything. - I will not say a word. Ballbags! Hey! Who was that? No one. We're in a restaurant. Sorry. "Who's that?" - What's up? - Okay... Well, I really want them to post our wedding announcement on the New York Times website before our rehearsal brunch Friday, so I just wanted to run your section back to you. Yeah, you know, now's really not a good time... Jason? Can we just do this please? "Can we do this now?" - "Jason Richard Kelly, son of..." - Doctor Smegma Von BoxMunchers." "David and Brooke, is a junior associate at the law firm of..." - "Cream pie fart and donkey punch!" - Okay, who is that? It's no one. It's a waiter with pretty bad Tourette's, I think...
Dirty Grandpa
35.3s
Got it. - You guys want a refill? - Sure. - Absolutely! - BRB! I'm sorry about my grandpa. He's, um... He's not doing too well. My grandma just passed and the funeral was yesterday. Oh... I'm actually a lawyer, not a retard. I handle of lot of important issues. SEC compliance, LLC agreements. LP agreements. That sort of stuff. Yeah, um, well, I think we're gonna get going. - Nice to meet you, Pepe. - Nice...
Dirty Grandpa
25.6s
Hey! Here they are! How was the protest? - Uh, it was good. - Yeah, it was good. This is Lamar, Lil' Chris, Big Chris, Murray Finkelstein. And, of course, you've already met Ty-rizone. That nigga's crazy, man. Yeah, what's with the N-word, anyway? I can say it. I can't say it... You can say it when we let you say it. Which is never. Just never say that under any circumstances.
Dirty Grandpa
22.3s
- I don't sound like that. - Yeah? - What do you sound like then? - Not like that. I don't even sound like that. - Give me my phone call. - Oh, please, let me have my phone call. I'm an American and I'm fucking guaranteed... I am an American... I am guaranteed a phone call. My right to have a phone call!
Dirty Grandpa
1m47s
Fuck! Whoa, whoa, whoa! What happened? Why are they going? What did you do? What? I told them the truth. I told them that I'm getting married next week, and you're not well because your wife just died. What are you, fucking vagina repellent? Those cougars wanted to party! - They wanted to party? - Yes! Do you hear yourself? Grandpa, are you kidding me right now? Grandma... I'm trying to listen to myself. Grandma's funeral was yesterday! Now you wanna hit on college girls? You're jerking off to porn? - What's wrong with you? - Jason, I want to fuck! Oh, my God... For the first time in 40 years I'm single and I want to fuck. I want to fuck until my dick falls off. I want to fuck a horse and I wanna drink its blood! I'm gonna throw up. I was faithful to your grandmother every day for 40 years, even through the menopause, even through the cancer. She was the love of my life. I'll miss her every goddamn day. But she told me on her deathbed, "You get back out there again." I haven't had sex in 15 years, Jason, and I want to fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Oh, so that's what this is all about? This whole thing. You didn't want to be with me. You wanted me to drive you down to Boca so I could be your fucking wingman? Well, obviously I made a bad decision because you're nothing but a cock-blocking machine. I don't know what you are. You're like the lsraeli Iron Dome defense system, but with vaginas instead of missiles. - What? - You're like some sort of cock-blocking Terminator sent back from the future to cock-block humans. - Oh! - The robots should have sent you instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger, you could have cock-blocked John Connor's parents - and he would never have been born! - Shut up, Grandpa! - Shut up! - What got into you? I remember you in high school, you were ripping people's dicks off on the football field, talking about traveling the world! Now you're pushing some papers at a fucking law firm and probably peeing sitting down. Grandpa, I don't know what you thought this weekend was going to be about, but I came here for one reason, to get you to Boca. That's it. - Fine. - Now can I please play some golf? - Fucking golf. - Okay. Cocky McBlockerson.
Dirty Grandpa
59.6s
For what's it worth, I still really want to fuck you. - And we're going to fuck. - Yeah, we are. - We're going to thunder fuck. - You're gonna tsunami on my face! You're gonna flood like the Nile. Yeah. I guess the drought in my pussy is finally over. The villagers will finally eat. You're gonna die while you're eating me out. I want your last breath to be in my pussy. Lenore! You're such a slut. - Police! - That's right. Po-po in the ho-ho. Some kind of ganja party? - Sorry to harsh your mellows. - Where's my e-vite? - Is that the jacket? - Check the right coat pocket. - Check it, man. - Okay, turn around. Come on. That's my jacket. That's not his jacket. Up against the palm. There you go. Let's have a look. What've you got in here? Huh? - Bingo-bango. - OMG. What the fuck? That's not mine! - "What the fuck?" - That's not mine! The fuck? Well, it looks like Spring Break is finally drug free! Come on, let's go. Let's go, pretty boy. Oh, shall we? No, it doesn't go down that way. Let's go. I'll wait for you, Grandpa. Keep that shit tight for me! He's my Henry Miller. - What the fuck does that mean? - Exactly!
Dirty Grandpa