Found 289 results
21.3s
32.7s
Every single day, my career's in jeopardy... - What are you doing? - I'm taking the regulator off the pneumatic propulsion system. Give me a beer. Grandpa, what did you really do for the army? - I told you, I was a mechanic. - Bullshit. You speak Arabic. You hot-wired a golf cart. Tell me the truth. All right, I was Special Forces! I trained insurgents behind enemy lines from Vietnam to Iraq. Now give me the fucking beer can! Come on! Look at this dummy! What an idiot!
Dirty Grandpa
30.5s
Okay. They're in the hospital till tomorrow! The room's ours for the night. Look at these fucking people. How was brunch at Hitler's house that day? Hey, Grandpa, who else in our family knows that you were, uh, Special Forces or whatever? No one, once your grandmother passed. Your father stopped talking to me before my missions were declassified. So he always thought I was just an army mechanic. But don't you think that you guys would get along a little better if you told him?
Dirty Grandpa
21.8s
- He let me stroke it. - Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on! He's talking about a pee... A bee. - A little stuffed bee. - What bee? There was a bee here, man! It was so soft. He let me kiss it. No, I did not let you kiss it! What are you talking about? - He did not even... Ahh! - You're fucking dead! Dad, that was cool! Oh, shit!
Dirty Grandpa
1m43s
Okay, Daytona Beach! Who's ready for a Flex Off! I'm talking about dudes getting on stage, getting ripped! Yeah! Yes, I'll be home tomorrow. I promise. And I know... Yes, I know the dinner is important to the firm... Hold on, I'm getting another call. It might be Meredith. Okay? Bye. - Hello? - Hey, it's me. Someone just stuck their thumb up my ass. What? Yeah, I was just standing right there, talking on the phone, and someone came right up behind me and stuck their thumb up my ass. - Did you see who it was... - Jamba! Ow! Fuck! Stop doing that! - How'd it go on the home front? - How do you think? Come on. Let's go. Come on. Top Gun in the house! We got Maverick! We got Fat Goose! Do we have a challenger? - Right here! Right here! - These two! She wants to! - These two. - Pick her! Who will accept this challenge? You go up there, I'll let you do whatever you want to me tonight. - All right, I'm doing it. - All right! - What? - Whoo! - No, no, no! - Are you kidding me? I saw your body last night, it's a lot better than Cody's. And my body sure as shit looks better than that fucking Shamu's up there. There's 1,000 people out here! A lost old man has wandered on stage. - Are you his nurse? - No. Fuck no. Get on stage! Get on stage! Get on stage! Get on stage! Get on stage! Get on stage! - Do it for me! - Get on stage! Get on stage! So we have team Top Gun versus creepy old guy and his lesbian daughter.
Dirty Grandpa
39.7s
- What? - I have to fuck that girl, Jason. - Jesus, Grandpa! - I do. I have to fuck her. Grandpa, you're just depressed. You're confused right now because of Grandma. Grandma wanted me to do this. - What? - Yeah. She said when she died, she wanted me to move on and live my life the way I wanted to, and right now, you know what I want to do? I want to get my dick sucked by that fucking college girl! What is that going to do for you? Is that going to make you feel young again? - Yeah! Yeah, what's wrong with that? - Yeah? Feeling young again? What do I have? A dead wife, dying friends. A few fucking good years left if I'm lucky. And you know what? It fucking freaks me out! Yeah.
Dirty Grandpa
30.7s
And, hey, everybody, don't forget to stop by Tam Pam Surf Slam in town where I'm selling "beach towels" for 50 bucks an ounce. "Sun screen" for 10 bucks a dime bag. And I'm also selling meth! Oh! Just got married! Your move, Viagra Falls. Crowd going wild for team Top Gun! Grandpa, I got this. Watch! Most muscular, on three. One, two, three.
Dirty Grandpa