Found 571 results
35.1s
God damn it! He took out his earpiece. You see, folks, I've read a lot of news in my day, but it's... It's taken me until now to realize what real news is. Real news is supposed to let people know what the powerful are up to, so that, that power doesn't become corrupt. But what happens when the powerful own the news? Ugh! You piece of shit! Shit. He's blowing the whole thing up. Recently, I've been on a bit of a personal journey. I made love to a proud, intelligent black woman.
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
32.2s
I don't know about this, man. The Minotaur isn't even history! He's mythology! Let's not downplay the fact that that's the ghost of Stonewall Jackson! May the Lord anoint this hallowed field of battle. You guys got room in this battle for an old war horse? Mack Tannen! What are you doing here? You're too old for this. Well, you see, there's the thing. When there's an early moon, I almost feel like a stallion again! He's on our side, right, Ron?
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
32.8s
I can't even masturbate! Why? Heck, one morning, I spent 20 minutes aggressively rubbing my shin, wondering, "Where's the sensation? "Where's the pleasure coming?" You rubbed your shin thinking it was a penis? I know you think I'm stupid, don't you? - No! - The weirdo who lives in the weird lighthouse in the middle of nowhere. Ron, it was your choice to live in a "weird lighthouse." You know why I live here? Let me say it real slow and real loud. I'm bl-i-i-i-i-nd!
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
36.8s
You better get him a balloon. Is this for real, Freddie? Linda, I'm sorry. No, it's okay! It's okay. So you have a black boss, and it's freaking you out. Is it freaking you out? A little bit, to be honest. You freaked out? Is it freaking you out? Oh, she's got a knife! I don't give a shit! We're not all here to hold hands and sing Kumbaya. Black. So as long as you guys get numbers, we are gonna get along just fine. Now, if you don't, I am gonna be icy. And unpleasant, you dig? I dig. We all dig. I like to dig. One time I went digging for treasure and I found a half a body.
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
37.1s
I don't know, Ron. You sure about this place? Guys, I know it's a bit of a mess, but trust me, everything will be ready for the launch tomorrow. And we've culled the whole country for the best newsmen. There's Curtis Knightfish from Houston. Oh, Curtis Knightfish. They don't get any better than that. And there's Diane Yahwea from Carson City. Diane Yahwea. You know what they call her, right? "All the Way Yahwea." She's my aunt. And the best in the biz. Jack Lime, out of Chicago. Rumor is Allenby is giving him one mil a year. That's crazy. Who's worth that kind of money?
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
38.8s
- Who loves chicken? You do! - We do! ♪ Delicious chicken Swing on through ♪ Meet the crew, hoo-hoo! I'm local San Diego legend Champ Kind, and I believe in two things. Good chicken, and that the census is a way for the U.N. to make your children gay. So come on by and grab a wing. 'Cause when you do, you'll say, "Whammy!" No Catholics or Jews admitted. All right, there you go. One Whammy Special, with Whammy Slaw. There's a used Band-Aid in my coleslaw. My gosh, let me take care of that. Get out of here before I smash your head in, you Commie bastard! If you're from the census, you take me off your list!
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
1m4s
And it gets hot and sweaty and stanky. There's some stank on that love. What... What are you talking about? Let's put it this way, I be busting nuts like a squirrel. Oh, now, we don't have conversations like that over dinner. What are you doing? I'm addressing the white elephant in the room. I'm breaking down the barriers of race by assimilation. That's all I'm doing. Well, you're coming off like a jerk. I think it's going well. If you haven't noticed, we don't converse like that. Okay, okay. Look at big papa down here. He's saying to himself, "Shit! Look at this honky. "Sittin' at my table, eatin' my food. In my house? Touching my daughter?" I have. - I have touched your daughter. - Honey! We have done things, Papa. You ain't gonna like. You ain't gonna like it none! Oh, my goodness! I mean, I'm just a guy from Terre Haute, Indiana with a big ol' dick and a fat wallet and a spleef the size of a baby arm. Just looking for someone who wants to smoke it. Let's get some smoke going in this place, right? This ain't no Super Fly. What is your problem, man?
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
34.2s
Ron, this is Dr. Brangley. I've left dozens of messages. Somehow, they must be getting erased. But there is a procedure that can possibly return your sight. Please get back to me if you're interested. Well? Have you been erasing these messages? Yes. Ron, just let me explain. How could you? We've never been this happy and I just thought that... Thought that if I could see again, that somehow I couldn't love you and Walter anymore? Yes! Damn you, woman! You lied to me!
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
1m8s
♪ Dun-dun-dun-dun- dun-dun, dun-dun ♪ Nope. Anyone else? What if we show a porno instead of the news? Freddie? No. Absolutely not. I know. What if we get one of those wildlife handlers? We have him bring in, oh, big game cats. You know, wild, dangerous tigers and lions and leopards and the such. We let them loose inside the studio with about a dozen chickens. We play rock music. And we just call it Let Her Rip. I'd watch that. I'd watch that. Let Her Rip? You're describing the end of civilization. That's not news! If that's the end of times, I'm... I got a front-row seat with a big tub of buttered popcorn and a greasy half-live chicken leg. Okay, so obviously this is a waste of time. I'm done. Freddie! Come on! We're just brainstorming here. We're trying to figure out how to make the news less boring, and you act like we peed in your milkshake. The news is supposed to be boring, Ron! This is serious stuff. You're the one that made this stupid bet! I just don't know why we have to tell the people what they need to hear. Why can't we just tell them what they want to hear?
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
1m5s
Voodoo. Voodoo? Yes, voodoo. That shit will mess you up. And it is 100% real. Promise me that you'll never go to Haiti. I promise, Dad. This was good. I enjoyed spending time with you. Me, too, Dad. Oh, and hey. Do you want to go to Haiti sometime? No. Good. Good. What did you tell him? I didn't tell him anything. He hasn't slept for four days, Ron! Everywhere we go, he asks me if we're going to Haiti! What does that even mean? I am so sick and tired that you've sheltered him from the evils of voodoo. You need to learn to connect with him in a healthy way! Let me ask you something, and I'm not trying to be funny here. Are you sure he's not a midget with a learning disability? He is seven years old, Ron. All right. Now listen to me. He has a science fair tomorrow, at 8:00, and he wants you to be there. I will be there. All right? Now, who do you have for sweeps week? I'm not discussing work with you, Ron, okay? Just be there at the science fair tomorrow. Fine!
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
35.6s
You are the worst anchorman I have ever seen. But what did I do wrong? Name one thing. Korean soldiers were fired upon in the DMZ! Oh. Jeez, I am so sorry. Someone put the story in all capital letters, and I... I thought I was supposed to yell it. President Parter... Ah, shit! I mean, President Carter will speak at the summit Tuesday. Tony, did I just curse? Are you kidding me? Shit! I mean... Shit. Shoot!
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
54.4s
Can I name him? Of course you can, son. What about Crackers? Give me a goddamned break. Seriously, you've got one of the most vicious predators in the ocean, you're gonna name him "Crackers"? In the future when you say I can name something, don't be a dick about it. Why don't we do this? Let's name him Doby. You talk all that smack and that's the best name you come up with? Well, we're not gonna get any better than that. I mean, you obviously can't name him anything that sounds good. How about we forget about this whole name thing and you go straight to hell? Well, I don't know what to do. We might as well poison the water and let him die. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's just go with Doby. Fine, then it's settled. It's Doby. We'll call him Doby even though no one likes it. All right, I can live with that.
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
35.5s
What happened to the... The network cut to another developing story. Some kind of crazy car chase. Who covers a car chase? I am sitting here with the most important interview of my entire career, and they're cutting to a car chase? I would like to watch the car chase. You need to shut your mouth. This is extremely gripping. Oh! Oh! He just hit a car! He just hit a car! He hit a car! Did you see that? - He hit a car! - Wow! He hit the car! He hit the car! When did the news get awesome? And he just loses it! Wow! That's exactly what we needed. It was getting a little boring...
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
49.7s
Too much of the news is about what's wrong with America. Amen, brother! Well, tonight, our top story is what's right with America. Someone's finally talking sense on the TV. For starters, we kick butt. Nazi butt. Russian butt. What the hell is he doing? He's talking about America. Why, do you have a problem with that? Tonight I begin part one of my 11-part series on the power and mystery of the human vagina. This series will be a tasteful look at just what makes a vagina tick, as well as a look at the 50 greatest vaginas of the 20th century. Son of a bitch! One final question, and I'll let you go. Who tops the list of the top 50 greatest vaginas? Well, I don't want to give anything away. I thought I had you. I will give you number two. Please. Madame Curie. Of course. Of course.
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
36.1s
It's for Walter. Okay. So when were you going to tell me about Gary? Ron. You walked out on me. What did you expect me to do? Ron. This is awkward, I know. I'm sitting here with your wife. We make love. I'm this close to shooting a flare gun at your dick. Oh, Ron! So what does this Gary do for a living, huh? Have you done a background check on him? Gary is actually one of the most successful psychologists in all of Manhattan, Ron. Really sweet. Are you reading my mind right now? Ron, do you even know what a psychologist is?
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues