TED: Play Chopsticks, you jazzy slut. Teddy! (LAUGHS) How are you? How are you doing, you fuzzy little asshole? Well, I'm not a hot, half-Muslim chick who sold 37 million records, but I'm hanging in there.
Ted
14.6s
Look, I'm only saying this because I love you. You're not going to have any sort of career if you keep wasting time with Ted. Oh, jeez, here we go. Baby, please ask Ted to move out so we can move on with our lives. Lori, look, he's been my best friend since I was eight. I was not a popular child.
Ted
6.2s
Yeah, as you can see you've been a part of our family for quite some time.
Ted
4.8s
But I want to wait until I get you something really special. I just don't have the money right now.
Ted
6.8s
Jesus, I look like the robot from Aliens. No, look at me, buddy. I promise, you're going to be okay.
Ted
16.4s
By the power vested in me by the New York Jets and by the united peoples of the planet Mongo, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride, Johnny.
Ted
20.8s
Sam Jones moved back to Hollywood with the goal of restarting his film career. He currently resides in Burbank where he shares a studio apartment with his roommate, Brandon Routh. Remember Brandon Routh from that God-awful Superman movie? Jesus Christ! Thanks for getting our hopes up and taking a giant shit on us.
Ted
3.3s
I love you. I love you, too.
Ted
6s
And he knew that if he ever found that friend, he would never let him go.
Ted
5.8s
John longed with all his heart for that one, true friend that he could call his own.
Ted
1.5s
(YELLING INDISTINCTLY)
Ted
10.7s
But there was one child who wasn't in such good spirits. Little John Bennett, that one boy in every neighborhood who just has a tough time making friends.
Ted
1.4s
(KIDS YELLING)
Ted
12.8s
It was Christmas Eve, and all the children were in high spirits. That special time of year when Boston children gather together and beat up the Jewish kids. Hey, Greenbaum!
Ted
4.8s
It began in 1985, in a town just outside Boston.
Ted
1.3s
RECORDED TOY VOICE: I love you!
Ted
6.7s
And for little John Bennett, Christmas Day brought a very special new arrival.
Ted
4.2s
All the children were opening their gifts with holiday glee.
