You know, if your leg got trapped under a rock I'd chew it off to get you free.
Ted
13.6s
Glad to hear it. Because in a month, my life could be your life. A cushy, $38,000-a-year branch manager who's personal friends with Tom Skerritt. Not a bad life, is it?
Ted
19.5s
I look stupid. No you don't. You look dapper. I don't. I look like Snuggle's accountant. Come on, it's not that bad. John, I look like something you give your kid when you tell him Grandma died. Look, I know it sucks, okay? But you've got to make some money so you can pay for an apartment. I don't want to work at a grocery store. Yeah, but you have no skills. I told you, I can totally be a lawyer.
Ted
1.8s
It's a miracle.
Ted
5.2s
Uh... Cocaine, right? Come on, dudes. Don't tell me you never done it before.
Ted
1.3s
What is it?
Ted
11.5s
Up the dog's ass, right? Yeah, up the dog's, not the fireman's ass. I thought the fireman stuck his own finger up his own ass. No, I don't think a firefighter would do that. Go, take care of it. Let me know how she is. Thank you. Go.
Ted
1.7s
Hey, how are you holding up?
Ted
2.4s
Holy shit. Oh, my God. What?
Ted
1.4s
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Ted
1.9s
Oh, my God!
Ted
1.3s
(SOBBING)
Ted
1.2s
(RIPPING)
Ted
8.5s
You ready to bring down the house? Yes, ma'am. Thank you for the opportunity, Miss... Ma'am Jones. Thank you. Jesus, you look fantastic.
Ted
5.4s
Oh, my God, it always looks so great! I always want to fucking brush it. Right, Johnny? I say that.
