What a cunt. Ow! I hate that word! What? That word. It's so sharp, it's like an electric sword slashing everything in its path. Why would you say that? You didn't exactly stand up for me. I'm trying to walk a line, here. I want to be fair to you and to him, you know? I think you're being a little more fair to him. Oh, come on.
Ted
9.3s
(SCOFFS) Listen to yourself. What am I? Emperor Ming, here, controlling your mind? That's your choice, John. And by blaming me, you, you're just making yourself look like a pussy.
Ted
12.2s
What are you, five years old? JOHN: Yeah. But I read at a six-year-old level, so... (LAUGHING) Sir, and madam, here is your dessert and champagne.
Ted
8.6s
We were together for eight months, and I really loved him. And then he got deported back to Iran, so I know what you're going through.
Ted
4s
Rex is fine. He only hit on me once today, so, it's a good thing.
Ted
2.7s
You're just like the Baby Jesus.
Ted
2.7s
Oh. Check this out.
Ted
3s
Teddy Rux-fucking-pin!
Ted
19.5s
I look stupid. No you don't. You look dapper. I don't. I look like Snuggle's accountant. Come on, it's not that bad. John, I look like something you give your kid when you tell him Grandma died. Look, I know it sucks, okay? But you've got to make some money so you can pay for an apartment. I don't want to work at a grocery store. Yeah, but you have no skills. I told you, I can totally be a lawyer.
Ted
5.2s
Uh... Cocaine, right? Come on, dudes. Don't tell me you never done it before.
Ted
4.5s
Lori, will you marry me?
Ted
2.7s
(FARTING) Finally.
Ted
2s
You can thank Ted.
Ted
1.4s
(TED GRUNTING)
Ted
1.8s
It's a miracle.
Ted
1.4s
(STAMMERS)
Ted
11.5s
Up the dog's ass, right? Yeah, up the dog's, not the fireman's ass. I thought the fireman stuck his own finger up his own ass. No, I don't think a firefighter would do that. Go, take care of it. Let me know how she is. Thank you. Go.
Ted
9.6s
Ted, you've arrived at a lucky time. It's almost Robert's play hour. Yeah, I'm guessing you guys don't have a PS3. I'm guessing you're more of a "wooden horse with a wig" kind of family.
