Yeah, John? Do you promise we'll always be together?
Ted
1.3s
(APPLAUSE)
Ted
3.7s
MAN: asshole! TED: That's my bad. I was sending a tweet.
Ted
5.7s
Thanks so much for coming. My daughter better be alive, you sick son of a bitch.
Ted
15.3s
Ted and Tami-Lynn continued their torrid love affair for quite some time. One afternoon, Ted was caught behind the deli counter eating potato salad off of Tami-Lynn's bare bottom. He was instantly promoted to store manager.
Ted
12.7s
Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns and missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine.
Ted
7s
NARRATOR: John was just about the happiest boy in the world and he couldn't wait to tell everyone the good news.
Ted
6.4s
Let's all be best friends. Oh, my God! John, get away from that thing. Get over here right now. But, Dad... Get over here!
Ted
4.9s
NARRATOR: And so John, Lori and Ted lived happily ever after.
Ted
1.4s
Teddy?
Ted
1.5s
Welcome back, Ted.
Ted
1.8s
Come on, buddy.
Ted
1.2s
Teddy?
Ted
13.6s
Glad to hear it. Because in a month, my life could be your life. A cushy, $38,000-a-year branch manager who's personal friends with Tom Skerritt. Not a bad life, is it?
Ted
2.5s
Thunder buddies for life.
Ted
1.4s
(WATER BUBBLING)
Ted
6.2s
For some reason I thought you were going to be taller. I thought you were going to be funnier. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
