Found 273 results
2m8s
She's not coming back, is she? No. What is the matter with her? - You really wanna know? - Yeah. Your mom was probably pretty normal before she had you. But then you were born. And you didn't sleep for six months so she didn't sleep for six months. And you refused to eat, and when you did eat you would barf all over her clothes. And that made your mom a little crazy. And then you fell off your bike and you broke your arm. And then you got bullied in school. And then you started dating that weird dude with the stick through his nose. And all those things made your mom a little more crazy. And then you got married. And you bought a house you can't afford. And you're raising kids who never say "Please" or "Thank you." Shit, they can't even read. And all those things made your mom super-duper crazy. And now you come into my office, and you go "Dr. Karl, why is my mom so crazy?" And the answer is... you, motherfucker. You made your mom crazy. So be nice to your mom, 'cause you're the one who fucked her shit up. ♪ You make it feel like Christmas ♪♪ We are gonna dominate caroling this year. What are you wearing? Sweetie, if you wanna win the Caroling Cup you have to have a theme. Which is why we are all going as characters from "A Christmas Carol." - Oh, my God! - Dylan, you're Marley's Ghost. Jane, you are the Ghost of Christmas Present. Oh, great. And Amy, you're Scrooge. Oh. Wow, thanks, mom. I just think it's appropriate, given how much you seem to hate Christmas this year. Mother, I don't hate Christmas. And here is everyone's sheet music. I'd hoped we'd all be off-book by now. - This is a lot of songs. - Well... Every home in Westbury gets to vote on who wins the Cup. So we have to hit at least 300 houses tonight. Three hundred? Don't worry. We have back-up. Come on in, everybody. Please welcome the Chicago All Saints Choir. You hired ringers? I did what I needed to do to succeed, Amy. You should try it sometime. Okay, fine. We'll go caroling. But I'm not wearing this ridiculous costume.
A Bad Moms Christmas
1m27s
Well, I thought that was an enormous success. Mom, this, this, this isn't working. - What isn't working? - This, this. I-I wanted a mellow Christmas and you keep fighting me every step of the way. Amy, this is a very important Christmas for your kids. You cannot just phone it in. I'm not, I'm not phoning it in. My kids told me that they wanted a mellow Christmas. And I promised them that I would give it to them. Well, of course they told you that, Amy. Because they're telling you what they think you want to hear. But secretly, they know that I'm right. Because you know what? I just am. Okay. Ha-ha! You know what? I'm done fighting this. I'm gonna tell you exactly how we're doing Christmas this year. The kids and I are gonna spend the entire Christmas Eve day sledding. And then, we're gonna come home bake cookies, and watch "Love Actually." - Dumb movie. - Then, Christmas morning. Only Jessie and his daughter are gonna come over and we're gonna exchange three gifts. Who's Jessie? Then we're gonna spend all day in our pajamas until my friends come over for dinner when we are gonna order Chinese takeout from Mr. Wang's. - The horror. - Ugh! There'll be no show-offy party no sushi, no camels. And definitely, definitely, no Kenny G. Amy, he is the godfather of smooth jazz. Mom, I am done with your over-the-top Christmases. This is my house, and this is my life. And if you want to come down here and be a part of my family then you have to live by my rules.
A Bad Moms Christmas
49.7s
Mom. Oh, Keeks. Oh, Kiki. No, no. Keeks. - Okay, I don't have cancer. - What? I knew it. But imagine if I did have cancer how would you feel being so mean to your mother? I'm not trying to be mean to you, mom. I'm trying to have an honest conversation about our relationship. - I have cancer again. - No. It doesn't work like that a second time. - I have polio. - I think they cured polio. - I have bubonic plague. - No. - I have shingles. - Mom! I have bird flu. - Are you done? - I have a lazy eye. Mom! Please, can we just talk about our relationship? Because I wanna work this out with you. Yes. Let's do that. Yes. - Really? - Yes. I wanna work this out with you. Honestly? I'm gonna run to the ladies' room and I will be right back. Okay.
A Bad Moms Christmas
42.7s
So what brings you here today, Kiki? Well, um, my mom and I, we're very close. And we would like to be... To be closer. No. No. I think, uh, we would, we would like to be a little more independent. Closer. Uh, Sandy, tell me about your relationship with your daughter. Oh, my gosh. That's my favorite topic. Well, I had Kiki when I was 18 years old. And when the nurse placed her on my breast I looked down at her and I said "You are gonna be my best friend forever." Is that normal? The best friend forever thing? Uh, well, you know, we don't like to use the word "Normal" around here.
A Bad Moms Christmas
32.3s
- So, um, holidays, huh? - I know. You got big plans with your girlfriend? I wish. I wish I had a girlfriend. Yeah, most women, they just see me as this object to have sex with and then they leave. You know? And I'm like, "Yeah, I dance around "in basketball sneakers and a G-string. It doesn't mean I don't have feelings." Right? Yeah. I, uh... I can relate. I don't know what it is about you, I just... I feel like you're easy to talk to, you know? I can just open up. Be myself. It's nice. I feel the same way, Ty.
A Bad Moms Christmas
16.1s
Oh, my God. His face is in her tits. Wait. Mom. Mom, no motorboating! - We talked about this. - Alright. - It's about to get weird. - It's game time. - Oh, you look great! - That's my mom. - That's your mom? - Yeah, that's my mom. - Your mom? - Yeah. Oh, my God, it's a pleasure. You have such a lovely daughter. I know.
A Bad Moms Christmas