You know, Ted, when I was a little boy, I saw you on television. And I thought you were the most amazing, most wonderful thing I'd ever seen. Ever.
Ted
5.9s
I have tickets to Norah Jones at the Hatch Shell tonight and I would love it if you would go with me.
Ted
11.2s
Oh, my God! Yeah, that's the way she is. She sees trouble and she wants to help out, and I guess one of these dogs clamped his jaws on her forearm and wouldn't let go until the fireman showed up and stuck his finger in his ass.
Ted
16.8s
Look at that one. WASP-y, white-guy fish. "I married the wrong woman, and now I lead a life of regret." Oh, look at this guy. "I went to New York once in 1981, and I just did not feel safe." (SIGHS) Ted, you gotta move out.
Ted
8s
So, Tami-Lynn, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself? Like, where are you from? I'm always fascinated to meet Ted's girlfriends.
Ted
8s
I've been getting stoned too much. I know that. I've been bumming around with Ted too much. I know that, too. You give me one more chance, I promise I can fix it.
Ted
7s
To step up and change such a huge part of your life just to make your girlfriend happier...
Ted
2.6s
Hey. What are you doing here?
Ted
1.4s
(SOBBING) Why are you crying?
Ted
9.6s
Because, "How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?" (CHUCKLES) Right? Pink Floyd. Look, the point is, you're blaming me for something that you did to yourself.
Ted
1.3s
Ted?
Ted
3.3s
(STAPLING) Ah! (MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Ted
1.2s
(SCREAMS)
Ted
10.5s
Half-Indian, but thanks. Yeah, whatever. Thanks for 9/11. Listen, I want you to meet a good pal of mine, all right? John Bennett, Norah Jones. Hi, Norah Jones. Hey, there, sweaty.
Ted
19.3s
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven... No peeking, now, or you'll get kid cancer. ...eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen...
Ted
4.8s
That, even after four years, you can still surprise me.
