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1.4s

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Ted 2

1.9s

That is unbelievable!

Ted 2

3.3s

All right. I think I can handle the defense.

Ted 2

8.8s

Mr. Kidder, you were an employee at Hasbro from 1976 to 1998. Is that correct? Yes, I supervised the stuffing of the teddy bears.

Ted 2

1.9s

Seems pretty human to me.

Ted 2

9.7s

Um, 'm the case of Ted v. The Commonwealth of Massachusetts, we, the jury, find for the Commonwealth in that Ted is not a person.

Ted 2

1.4s

Fresh cakes.

Ted 2

7.5s

The bear products are affixed with an electronic device in the chest which can be programmed to say any one of five phrases.

Ted 2

6.1s

I don't know exactly what makes a person a person. All I know is I feel stuff.

Ted 2

2.1s

(VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS)

Ted 2

33.6s

(SINGING) If you wanna sit there with a pie of meat Just fuck your own brother in the front seat Oh, why can't you just say please? Hey! Must be the money Hey, Sam, why do you have a duffel bag that says "Arizona State"? Because that's where I went to school. What, you went to Arizona State? Yeah, why? Oh, man, that's why we lost the case. Hello? You're dicks. Arizona State. Hey, how many times you been fucked on a houseboat? (LAUGHING) (LAUGHING) Oh, come on. Did you write your dissertation on the collected works of, uh, Red Bull? Yeah. Yeah, I did. I got an A on it.

Ted 2

1.7s

Wait, what?

Ted 2

1.4s

(CROWD MURMURING)

Ted 2

2.4s

Come on. (SIGHS)

Ted 2

2.9s

You want to be human in the eyes of the law.

Ted 2

24.5s

I mean, maybe more like a hammer or an orange, but yeah. What the hell do they know? It's just a word. They can't change your whole life just by calling you property! Bullshit! You better ask my ancestors. One minute, you in Africa, washing your clothes in the river, titties out. You good. Then all of a sudden, you somewhere across the world, fucking Thomas Jefferson. Wow! You make history come alive. Why the hell is this just coming up now?

Ted 2

8.8s

The author. Why are you saying, "Fuck him"? What? You just said "Eff Scott Fitzgerald." What did Scott Fitzgerald do to you? Yeah. No, that's his first name.

Ted 2

1.6s

Where did they get him?

Ted 2

Found 785 results

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

That is unbelievable!

All right. I think I can handle the defense.

Mr. Kidder, you were an employee at Hasbro from 1976 to 1998. Is that correct? Yes, I supervised the stuffing of the teddy bears.

Seems pretty human to me.

Um, 'm the case of Ted v. The Commonwealth of Massachusetts, we, the jury, find for the Commonwealth in that Ted is not a person.

Fresh cakes.

The bear products are affixed with an electronic device in the chest which can be programmed to say any one of five phrases.

I don't know exactly what makes a person a person. All I know is I feel stuff.

(VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS)

Wait, what?

(CROWD MURMURING)

Come on. (SIGHS)

You want to be human in the eyes of the law.

The author. Why are you saying, "Fuck him"? What? You just said "Eff Scott Fitzgerald." What did Scott Fitzgerald do to you? Yeah. No, that's his first name.

Where did they get him?