- I'm gonna go wash my hands now. - Oh, Gwen! Your labia feels so good around my swollen phallus. I'm fairly confident I'm going to ejaculate. I'm releasing my seminal fluids inside of you now! Are you okay? Yeah. Why? Didn't you-- It's kinda hard in 15 seconds. Damn it! You know the kind of pressure I'm under with my exams. - I'm sorry. - Look, I'm sorry. This semester's marks could determine the next ten years of our lives. Do you realize that? You know... you shouldn't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm late for my study group.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
31s
Dear Van-- Here you go, Taj. Get your rave on, man. - Thanks. - You got it. "See you tonight. Gwen." The invite to the parents' house. This is big. This is very, very big. - Doesn't she have a boyfriend? - Details. I'm off. Taj, you're in charge. I do not think I'm capable of handling such a responsibility. Listen to me. Do you know why I chose you as my assistant? So you could teach me how to muff dive?
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
4.8s
Maybe seven years of tuition... is a good way to remind him that you're still angry.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
42.7s
I certainly hope so, Mr. Wilder. I come to you in desperation. I'm Panos Patakos, president of the Lambda Omega Omega fraternity. I'm sure you're aware of our... stigma. Yeah, you guys have had the best GPA the last 50 years. Indeed, but believe it or not... the best GPA doesn't get you laid. - Damn well should. - Amen. This month marks our 75th anniversary. I am here to ask you to aid us in throwing a party... a party we can be proud of... a party people will actually show up to. Gosh, I'd really love to help, but I have a bamboo oar stuck up my Gangees. It's very scary stuff. I just don't have the time.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
4.7s
Kids, this is what white jockey blowin' hookers will do to you.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
10.5s
Are we gonna get in trouble for being in here? It's cool. Equipment manager owes me a favor. I introduced him to his wife. Life is all about developing relationships, Gwen. I hope you can skate.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
12.6s
- What are you doing here? - I don't know. No, thank you. Mr. Wilder here is quite the collegian. He's in his, what, sixth year? Lucky number seven, actually.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
4.2s
These are the most pathetic bunch of pledges. You picked 'em.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
7.1s
What? Come on. Hop in. I am not getting in that thing with you. If you want the story, you'll get in this thing with me.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
1.2s
Holy crap.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
7.8s
- What are you studying, son? - I dabble in a bit of everything. I've tried to experience all that Coolidge has to offer. Surely you have a career in mind.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
8.4s
Panos reminded me that I had one... very valuable skill I'd yet to tap-- my undeniable ability to throw one hell of a party.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
10.3s
So the deal is, I score... you cooperate and answer all my questions? - I miss-- - Dinner for two, me and you. Clothing optional.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
2.3s
How much is your time worth?
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
4.6s
I'm gonna go get another bottle of champagne. - Richard, will you help me open it? - Sure.