Found 1984 results
30.4s
Holy shit. Were you just getting laid? No. Yeah, I was, but... - Yes, yes, he was. - It's not what you think, guys. - I'm not even... - Sit the fuck down. Stay down. - Calm down. - I thought we were friends... ...and then you go running away. Contain yourself. - We're friends. - Shut up. - Calm down. Calm down, man. - Why? What? You just cock-blocked McLovin. Okay? He's our friend. We don't do that. We should be guiding his cock, not blocking it. Just relax, okay? Let's make this right.
Superbad
45.9s
You don't have to tell me that. - Right in there. - She opened up my world, sexually. On our wedding night, we had group sex. I wasn't involved in it. - But I could hear it through the wall. - I was. She was amazing. And then it was exactly 23 months later... ...that I found out she was an actual whore. - We discovered her on the street. - Yeah. I'm sorry. She was bad. Fucking whoring bitch. - But you got a new wife now, so... - Yeah. Yeah. And she is wonderful. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You'll meet her. You know what? I bet I know your trick, McLovin. - You play the whole myst... - Calling all units. Just turn that off. Send backup! There's so much blood... I bet you play the whole mysterious-guy thing, right?
Superbad
34.2s
So you do want alcohol? You want some or no? You do or you don't? You do want alcohol. - Yeah. - Either way. - Well... - Either way. Either way's fine. This is actually kind of a big favor. Because my parents left me like 100 bucks to feed myself for the week. But the house is full of food, so I just thought I'd spend it all... ...on, you know, extra drinks for the party, so... That's really nice. I don't think I've ever done anything that nice. - It's cool? - Yeah. - Okay. Thank you. - Awesome. I mean, seriously, that's really... That's nice of you. Thank you. So should I just get a shitload of different shit?
Superbad
50.1s
I had such bad acne last year... ...that I pretty much became, like, an expert on the stuff. Well, you drove. Evan drove me here, though, so... Well, so... Well, I mean, I have my dad's car. So I could just give you a lift... ...and then Evan could take Becca home. If that works. I don't know if it's in your route. It'd be fine with me. Fine, yeah. Maybe we can get some food. Yeah, I'd like that. So I guess I'll call you, then. Yeah, give me a call. Yeah, you have my number. I have your information. So put her there. Perfect. Good. All right, man. - Okay. - Okay, guys. - Becca. - Bye, guys. - Bye, have fun. - See you, Jules. Yeah, that's funny. Too funny. Where do you wanna go to eat?
Superbad
1m6s
I'm gonna be totally honest with you. I have a warrant out for a totally nonviolent crime. Okay? There. Mercy Street, guys. I'll be honest with you for a second. You better get us a shitload of cash or a shitload of alcohol... ...or you're going to fucking prison. What are you doing, man? You don't need to... No, let's not... Let's hang on a second here. - Cough it up. - Fine. Don't know if we should be doing anything official. We're working together. It's like Let's Make a Deal. Here we go. Seven bucks? Are you fucking serious? This isn't enough. What are you, a 6-year-old? - It's all I have, man. It's all I have. - You better think of something quickly. - My back! My back. Cops, my back. - No, no, no. Wait, don't do that. All right, listen. I can get you alcohol. I'm going over to this party right now, bro. Okay? It's got booze, it's got girls. Booze and girls equals... I don't know. Do you? I don't know. Do you? - I think you do. Do you? - Yes. That's a definite yes. Definite yes, then. - Give me one sec to talk to him. - Stay right here. Yeah, yeah. Do what you gotta do. Mix it over. I'll be over by the car. Just talk it out. Hey, I'm a nice guy.
Superbad
36.4s
- But it was only one guy. - Only one guy? Shit. How am I supposed to find one guy? This job really isn't how, you know, shows like CSI make it out to be. When I first joined the force, I assumed there was semen on everything... ...and there was some, like, huge semen database... ...that had every bad guy's semen in it. There isn't. That doesn't exist. I often go to sleep and dream of waking up in a world where... ...everything's covered in semen. - I mean, who doesn't? It'd be nice. Like that crime scene today. If the man had ejaculated and then punched you... ...we'd have a shot at catching him. - No way. - Just punched in the face, no semen. - No semen. - Story of my life.
Superbad
55.6s
Why would she end her high school career with me? Becca dated Eric Rosecrantz for like two years. Yeah, but he's a fucking idiot. You're a step up from that dick-load. That's why you need to stop... Will you get this? That's why you need to stop being a pussy and nail her. You could bang her before you leave. And I'm not gonna dance around it, she looks like a good fucker. I'm tired of you talking about her like that, man. What, you can talk about her all day and if I say one thing, it's blasphemy? Well, I don't constantly insult her. I'm not trying to insult her. I'm just saying that she looks like a good fucker, okay? She looks like she can take a dick. Some women pride themselves on their dick-taking abilities. Dick-taking abilities? You think that's good to say about someone? The fucked-up thing is, I actually do, okay? If a woman tried to compliment me on my dick-giving abilities, I'd be psyched. Hey, yo, Seth. What? Did you hear I'm having a big grad party next Saturday? - No. - Yeah.
Superbad
32.1s
I told her what time it was. That's the coolest fucking story I've ever heard in my entire life. - Can I hear it again? You have time? - Yeah, yeah, Seth. I'll miss your knee-slappers when me and Evan are at Dartmouth. While you guys are at Dartmouth, I'll be at State... ...where the girls are half as smart and twice as likely to fellash me. What are you guys doing tonight? Asshole. We got nothing. Nothing tonight, Fogell. No? Well, if nothing comes up, we can get shitfaced again, yeah? You're always calling me a pussy, but today you're wrong. At lunch, I'm going to the same place Mike Snider went... ...to pick up my brand-new fake ID.
Superbad
42.1s
Wait, what are you...? What are you guys doing? No, please, I can't... I can't go to jail. Please, I can't go to jail. No, look. We're really sorry, McLovin. This has... This has gone on... This has gone way too far. What? What are you talking about? We know you're not 25, man. We're not idiots, McLovin. - Yeah. - Did you know the whole time? Look, when we were your age, we hated cops. When we saw you in the liquor store today, we just... I guess we saw a bit of ourselves, you know... ...and we just wanted to show you that... ...you know, cops can have a fun time too, you know? Yeah.
Superbad
34s
But when I was wearing your dad's pants... ...I realized that if I wear pants that are a little too small... ...it might encourage me to lose weight. And also, chicks can kind of see, like... ...you know, the borders and outline of my dick a little. Yeah, man, they go nuts for that. The male camel toe. Yeah, the camel tail. It's right... I know where it is, where it happens. Like, right there. It's like they're so tight that one ball is, like, above my dick, even. - Yeah, exactly. - It's like three. It's like a three thing. It's like ball, dick, ball. It's like a division sign. Like a bunch of people crammed into a van.
Superbad
38.3s
...your mom's got huge tits. What do you think? I don't know, man. Don't ask me. Because I don't give a shit how pants look. Yeah, I need someone's opinion. Those are too tight. Those are way too tight. - Yeah, but, like... - Way too tight. You need to upgrade. There's not enough pants where there should be. More pants. Yeah, but... I mean, does it look weird? Looks like you're standing funny. You wouldn't stand like that. Like a duck. Yeah, but I'm doing like... - I'm doing the college poses like... - I don't know if you are. - You might just be doing... - Hey, prof. - Okay. - That test was...
Superbad
32.8s
What do we tell the girls, we couldn't do the one thing... ...we promised because we're dickless incompetents? Now we're never gonna bone because of that used tampon, Fogell. How'd he get into Dartmouth? I don't get it. He's got shit for brains. All right, how else can we get alcohol? - Yo, guys! What's up? - Fogell, where have you been, man? You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack. - Let me see it. Did you pussy out? - No, no, man. I got it. It's flawless. Check it. Hawaii? All right, that's good. It's hard to trace, I guess. Wait, you changed your name to McLovin?
Superbad
37.9s
No. You don't wanna meet a chick in a bar, man. Seriously. That was a turning point in my life, when I realized that. You gotta go to other places. You gotta go to a spin class, a farmers' market... ...pumpkin patch, given the time of year. Just somewhere social, non-threatening. - You know, something like that. - Yeah, I met the missus at paintball. Yeah, I shot her in the neck. And we just... And we just hit it off, you know. My first wife... Who is a whore, by the way. - Where do you think I met her? A bar. A bar. - It was this bar. - It was this bar. Yeah, it was this bar.
Superbad
30.7s
- No. - He's the guy with the beautiful voice. - The fucking singer, Jimmy's brother! - That's not me, man. - Oh, my God. - Sing for us! Sing. "It's not me"? You fucking lying? No, I don't mean to accuse you guys of being ill-informed, but... My brother came from Scottsdale, Arizona to be here. You're not gonna sing for him? - Fucking bullshit. - Sing. - You're a fucking singer. - You sing good. - Sing it again. - Like a bird. - No, I know, I just... I want to. - You want a line of cocaine? - No way, man. - Yeah. Don't make this weird. Sing. - Sing it again. - Turbo.
Superbad