"Gauloises - eager to please." - Whoo! - Yes! "10 years ago, I had the good fortune to dine "at Chef Casper's revelatory Miami bistro, Marrow." - Miami in the house! - Marrow, baby! That's your house! "The sheer audacity of this fresh, brave voice of the culinary scene "reminded me why I write about food as a vocation." - Yeah! - That's a lot of pressure. "It is nearly impossible to separate my glowing regard for Chef Casper "and how much he inspired me from my expectations as I sat down to dine "at the recently remodelled Brentwood Gallic staple, Gauloises." - Yeah, this is good! - "Oh, how times have changed. "Over the last decade, Carl Casper has somehow managed to transform himself "from the edgiest chef in Miami "to the needy aunt that gives you $5 every time you see her "in hopes that you will like her, "but instead causes you to shrink from her cloying embrace "which threatens to smother you in her saggy, moist cleavage. "The signature app, "intended to impress the country club brunch crowd, "is the caviar egg. "A shirred egg topped with a dollop of caviar "is an excuse for the chef to overcharge us "for his insecurity and lack of imagination. "Carl Casper can best be summed up by the first bite of his needy "and yet by some miracle also irrelevant "chocolate lava cake. "Casper didn't even have the courage to undercook the cake, "thus curiously lacking its signature molten centre." "This sad dessert is emblematic "of Carl Casper's disappointing new chapter. "His dramatic... weight gain can only be explained "by the fact that he must be eating "all the food sent back to the kitchen." Two stars.
Chef
23.7s
What the hell are you doing here, man? What's this madness, huh? - This is crazy. - Yeah. - You didn't go home, did you? - No. - Come here. Check it out. - Go home, man. - You've been here all night. Go home. - Come here. Get some sleep. Fuck Twitter. Come on, get outta here. "Fuck Twitter"? What are you talking about, "Fuck Twitter"? I mean, you know, fuck 'em. That's what I mean. - Who reads that shit anyhow? - I'm not on Twitter. I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing. Just classic bullshit. What is that? - That's carne asada. Check it out. - Wow.
Chef
21.9s
- Wow. - It's good? Huh? Look at that. - Too much heat? - That's perfect, Chef. - It's good? Seasoning? - Oh, it's perfect. - It's nice and spicy. - You like it? - Oh, man. - Ha, jefe? Look at that. - I do. - Yeah? - It's fucking great. - Is it good? - Don't fuck with me. - But it's so good. - See, jefe? I told you. - It's flavourful as fuck, man. - It's nice, right? - Umm. - Is it good? - Yo, Big Dog, fuck Twitter.
Chef
46.6s
I'm so tired of being alone I'm so tired of on-my-own Won't you help me, girl, just as soon as you can? People say that I've found a way To make you say that you love me Hey, baby, you didn't go for that It's a natural fact That I wanna come back Show me where it's at Baby, yeah I'm so tired of being alone I'm so tired... Dad. Dad. Dad! Come on. Let's go.
Chef
8.3s
Look! It's up, it's up. It's up, it's up. The review's up. To the review. Here we go. - To you, baby, to you. - Here we go. - My culinary hero. - To the team.
Chef
3.7s
Mmm! Mom wants to talk to you.
Chef
2.1s
Inez.
Chef
2.3s
Inez?
Chef
1m6s
I don't get it. I don't get it. Everyone loved it. He loved it, even. Then Why'd he write all that mean shit about me? About my food? Who cares? Who cares? I do. 'Cause I could have done better. I should have cooked the shit I was gonna cook. You're ignoring the fact that everyone was happy and you're making a problem where there's no problem. It's not hard to make people happy. There's certain things you could put on a menu that'll make everybody happy. If you put ahi tuna on a menu, it will sell out. It's guaranteed. You know that. But I cooked the beef cheek, which is a better dish, and nobody wants to even try it. - It was good, though. - Yeah, for family meal. Well, who you cooking for, though? That's my point. Why do I have to pick? Why do I have to choose? Why can't I have both? There are chefs that cook food that they believe in and people will try because they're open to a new experience and they'll end up liking it. - What do you want me to say to you? - The truth. You want me to tell you that you're the best chef that I ever worked with. And it's true, because you are. You are, Carl. You are the best chef I've ever worked with. - OK. - I mean it. Well, thank you. You're welcome.
Chef
51.7s
- Dad? - Yeah. You got 1,653 followers since last night. - Oh, is that good? - It's amazing. Oh, good. What does it mean? It means that 1,653 people are reading your Twitter feed. Mm-hm. I thought it was like texting. Did you post anything since last night? - No. - Are you sure? Yeah, I just sent a private message to somebody. - To who? - To that A-hole food critic. You could only send private messages to people who are following you. I think you might have posted that publicly. No, he wrote something nasty about me and then I hit reply and it let me send a message to him. Dad, replies are public. Everybody can read them. And it looks like he re-tweeted it to all his 123,845 followers. And he wrote back.
Well, Mommy and Daddy, you know, we... we both grew apart, in different directions. But we're still really good friends. It's just better if we don't live in the same house. - And that we're not married. - Oh. - You understand? - No. It's hard to explain.
Chef
11.3s
Hey, listen, could we twitter each other when we're not in the same place? - Yeah. - Could you show me how to do that? Yeah. OK. So, first you click here and you have to enter your username.
Chef
7.8s
- Right. - You could also log in on your iPhone. Uh-huh. You click this button here, it posts your feed so all your followers can read it.
Chef
6.9s
- We both agreed not to do that. - I know. Why don't I just cook you something? Oh, OK. Fuck it. Let's go.