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11.5s

Guns hot? Are you kidding me? No, I'm not, lady. It's not going to happen tonight, okay? I'm not attracted to you. Rotate your turret and go night-night.

The Change-Up

6.2s

So it's like you have three balls. Dave has three balls. A bouquet of balls. Bad! Bad!

The Change-Up

15.6s

What did you do? The woman is nine months pregnant! I could see the baby's face. I told you not to screw up my Tuesday night. Do you have any idea how many Lamaze classes I had to sit through to get that lined up? Is there a reason that you're calling me at 3:00 in the morning? Yeah, the dock worker is making me feed the twins. What do I do?

The Change-Up

13.7s

Hey, Daddy, which one do you like better? The southern monarch or the many-spotted skipperling? I am a many-spotted skipperling man, all the way. The monarch is just a glorified moth, don't you think? Yes. I tend to agree.

The Change-Up

17.4s

Why are you here? Just came by to see if you'd like to have some breakfast. I can't. I got a super-duper important conference call in 10 minutes. - You don't have a job. - You don't have any hair. Right. Well, then I'll just say it here. I'm getting married again, and I'd like you to come to the wedding.

The Change-Up

5.4s

I saw you in that commercial for meat, incidentally. That was the most brilliant portrayal of baloney I have ever seen.

The Change-Up

3.2s

- I'll pick you up at 6:00. - Got it. Kirk out.

The Change-Up

1.2s

Dad.

The Change-Up

13.1s

My turn with the Amalgamated files? Yeah, I adjusted the WACC to reflect the new monthly projections, and I pre-negotiated articles 23 through 29. Okay. I like the way you had it before, by the way. Yeah. Thank you.

The Change-Up

50.4s

- Hello. - Penis, shit, vagina, cock, wolf pussies. Mitch. I'm at work. - Did I get you? - Yeah. You sure did. - You got me on speakerphone? - Yep. Did the secretary hear? Yes, the secretary heard. She heard it all. That's awesome. Not really. How stoned are you right now? I've taken some weed. Have you? Do you know what time it is? It's like 9:00. Holy fuck-knuckles. - Guess what I'm looking at right now. - A bong? No, I found a futon on the street last night. I sort of had to fight a bum for it. He was so thin. And it also came with this vintage Navajo pony blanket... So I think that's pretty much a win for me. Mitch, you know the adults are about to fire up a work day. - I know, I just miss you, dude, that's all. - I miss you, too. We've been super best buddies since third grade. I haven't seen you in forever. I've been swamped. We're sleep-training the twins, and I just haven't had a moment to breathe. I'm sorry, man. I'm just super-excited to see you. We are still on for tonight, right?

The Change-Up

1.8s

Thank you so much.

The Change-Up

3.3s

Last week he told me my shoes were dangerously Italian. What?

The Change-Up

12s

He's early. Yeah, you'd be early, too, if all you did all day was eat hummus and masturbate. What's hummus? That is a Mediterranean spread, honey. What's master-ate? It's a cracker.

The Change-Up

1.2s

Not really.

The Change-Up

3.7s

Okay. Bathed, diapered, and in the PJs.

The Change-Up

1.3s

But a Double Windsor?

The Change-Up

2.4s

Is Dave meeting your needs, sexually?

The Change-Up

11.8s

Mrs. Hickham at a Starbucks in Druid Hills. - Our social studies teacher? - Yeah. I asked her out and she wouldn't go out with me, which is crazy, because I nailed her in high school. - You did? - I dated her mouth for a full semester.

The Change-Up

Found 796 results

Guns hot? Are you kidding me? No, I'm not, lady. It's not going to happen tonight, okay? I'm not attracted to you. Rotate your turret and go night-night.

So it's like you have three balls. Dave has three balls. A bouquet of balls. Bad! Bad!

Hey, Daddy, which one do you like better? The southern monarch or the many-spotted skipperling? I am a many-spotted skipperling man, all the way. The monarch is just a glorified moth, don't you think? Yes. I tend to agree.

I saw you in that commercial for meat, incidentally. That was the most brilliant portrayal of baloney I have ever seen.

- I'll pick you up at 6:00. - Got it. Kirk out.

Dad.

My turn with the Amalgamated files? Yeah, I adjusted the WACC to reflect the new monthly projections, and I pre-negotiated articles 23 through 29. Okay. I like the way you had it before, by the way. Yeah. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Last week he told me my shoes were dangerously Italian. What?

He's early. Yeah, you'd be early, too, if all you did all day was eat hummus and masturbate. What's hummus? That is a Mediterranean spread, honey. What's master-ate? It's a cracker.

Not really.

Okay. Bathed, diapered, and in the PJs.

But a Double Windsor?

Is Dave meeting your needs, sexually?

Mrs. Hickham at a Starbucks in Druid Hills. - Our social studies teacher? - Yeah. I asked her out and she wouldn't go out with me, which is crazy, because I nailed her in high school. - You did? - I dated her mouth for a full semester.