Found 796 results
40.9s
Mitch. Reminds me a little bit of Sabrina. Yeah! Wait, who's Sabrina? Sabrina. She's this... She's this new law associate at my work. She's so hot. Mitch, is she hot. She's like fall-out-of-a-magazine hot, you know? I bet she's number one on your cancer list, right? What is that? - Come on, you know what that is. - What is that? Every married guy has a cancer list. It's the first three women you'd have sex with if your wife suddenly died of cancer. That's fucking sick. Come on. That's the mother of my children. I know. But I'll play. Yes, she'd be at the top of that list. - It's like a gift. - Yeah. But I interrupted you. Tell me about this one again. God, last week, Tatiana, she comes over, she's wearing this tight black mini-dress, and you know what she says to me?
The Change-Up
22.7s
Okay, pumpkin, this is... Mitch, no. Don't call me pumpkin, okay? And you promised me that you would clean out... Can you shut this off? - It smells like cabbage now! - Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, sit down. One second. Just humor me, all right? I want you to ask me one thing... I don't want to play your games. ...that only Dave would be able to answer. Just one question. Please, I'm begging you. Good idea.
The Change-Up
26.4s
Be 15 minutes early for everything. It doesn't matter what it is. A meeting, an event. Less stress for me, less stress for you... Hey! You're married now, jackass. You can't look at other women. You can't talk to other women. You can't even be interesting around other women. Do everything in your power to desexualize yourself. Wear a fanny pack, drive a Prius, attach electronic devices to your belt, whatever it takes. And if you find yourself forced to talk to a woman, quickly find a way to mention the fact that you're married. It doesn't even have to make sense. Hi, how are you? Nice weather today. He's totally fucking married.
The Change-Up