Found 453 results
1m35s
- Oh, fuck me. - Look at those nipples. They're like little baby toes. It's not fair they get to flaunt that stuff... ...and I have to hide every erection I get. You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it and it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton. I mean, just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners... ...and just, like, wanted to see them. I mean, that's the world I one day wanna live in. It's been two years since I've seen an actual human female nipple. Shauna? Shauna was two years ago now? Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. But she was insanely hot. Exactly. She was too hot, okay? That's what sucks. How can that suck? I'd be psyched if I got with her. You got, like, two dozen handjobs. Yes, and three-quarters of a blowjob, but who's counting? Look, it was the peak of my ass-getting career... ...and it happened way too early. - You're like Orson Welles. - Exactly! If I'd paced myself, I'd be having at least steady sex... ...with a decent-looking girl. I honestly see now why Orson Welles ate his fat ass to death. You'll have sex in college, everyone does. But the point is to be good at sex by the time you get to college. You don't want girls thinking you suck dick at fucking pussy. I still think you have a chance with Jules. She got incredibly hot over last summer... ...and she obviously hasn't realized it yet... ...because she's still talking to you and flirting with you. Are you out of your mind? Look at Jules' dating record, okay? She dated Dan Remick, who's had a six-pack since, like, kindergarten. Jason Stone, who looks like fucking Zack Morris. And Matt Muir. Matt Muir. He's the sweetest guy ever. Have you ever stared into his eyes? It was like the first time I heard the Beatles.
Superbad
55.6s
Why would she end her high school career with me? Becca dated Eric Rosecrantz for like two years. Yeah, but he's a fucking idiot. You're a step up from that dick-load. That's why you need to stop... Will you get this? That's why you need to stop being a pussy and nail her. You could bang her before you leave. And I'm not gonna dance around it, she looks like a good fucker. I'm tired of you talking about her like that, man. What, you can talk about her all day and if I say one thing, it's blasphemy? Well, I don't constantly insult her. I'm not trying to insult her. I'm just saying that she looks like a good fucker, okay? She looks like she can take a dick. Some women pride themselves on their dick-taking abilities. Dick-taking abilities? You think that's good to say about someone? The fucked-up thing is, I actually do, okay? If a woman tried to compliment me on my dick-giving abilities, I'd be psyched. Hey, yo, Seth. What? Did you hear I'm having a big grad party next Saturday? - No. - Yeah.
Superbad
1m15s
You laughed in my face when I said I'd be having sex tonight. That doesn't mean you shouldn't always be prepared. - You didn't even bring a condom? - No. No, Evan, that wasn't part of the plan. You did this without consulting with me. We've never discussed, like, any plan, but you keep saying we have a plan. I had, like, a general outline. You know? I was gonna go down on her for, like, several hours, okay? She would love that. She'd be smitten. She'd go out with that. Or I dry hump the shit out of her leg. Well, I just... I don't see the harm in bringing one little condom. And one little bottle of spermicidal lube? Yeah, one little bottle of spermicidal lube. - Evan, that's psycho shit, man. - No, it's not. That's, like, Charles Manson shit. What, do you think Becca's gonna be psyched that you brought lube? "Oh, Evan. Thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your fucking 4-inch dick... ...inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube." - Okay, that's... That's enough. - Fuck. These girls are 18, they're not dried-up old ladies. - They're good to go. - Then I won't bring the lube. Don't make me feel like that. I thought it was cool. - This is a nice kind. - Let me see that for a second. - An impressive kind. - It is kind of cool. - That's cool. - Fucking dumbass. Lube? - That's funny. - You brought lube? You owe me 6 bucks because I'm not walking over to get it and it exploded.
Superbad
28.9s
- What a rush. - What do you guys wanna do? - Man, let's get drunk! - Let's get more fucked up! You're fucking living the dream, Michaels! Oh, man. This is gonna be the best night ever. - Got a 257 at Fifth and Paysview. - Shit. All units in the area report to Fifth and Paysview. - Car 98, that's you. Do it. - Fuck. - Shit. - Shit. Car 98 on it. You dumb fucking whore. Hey, did she say we're gonna get to shoot somebody or something? Oh, God, I wish.
Superbad