What if I gave you a hand job outside your pants while you ate an ice cream?
Ted 2
8.6s
Hey, 2O bucks I can toss a Cookie Crisp into his ass crack. Wait, let me try. I used to pitch for the softball team at Arizona State. Oh, yeah? Was your mascot a broken condom?
Ted 2
1.3s
Ted!
Ted 2
1.5s
I'm so sorry, baby.
Ted 2
5.8s
He just reminds me of when I was a kid. Yeah, that's great. $40. Okay.
Ted 2
5.4s
But if we suddenly decide to share that gift, where does that lead us?
Ted 2
25.1s
I won't be able to perform the implantation procedure. Wait, what? Why not? Tami-Lynn, according to your test results, you're no longer fertile. What? Wait, Doc, are you sure about that? I mean, maybe you should check again or something, you know? I'm quite sure. Tami-Lynn, because of your history of excessive drug use your ovarian canal has been somewhat compromised. What are you talking about? It looks fine. Yeah.
Ted 2
3.8s
John, please wake up.
Ted 2
3s
Hi. How is he? Is he gonna come out of it?
Ted 2
1.3s
He didn't make it.
Ted 2
17.8s
We have a Code Blue in Room 134! What does that mean? I'm sorry. You three are gonna have to wait outside. What the hell is going on? Is he gonna be okay? The doctors will do everything they can, but I need you to go to the waiting area now, please. Excuse me, excuse me. What's the status? He was stable a minute ago and now he's unresponsive. The monitor says he's in asystole. He's not breathing, no pulse. Start compressions. Prepare to intubate. Give him a milligram of epinephrine.
Ted 2
3.6s
"Well, this is different," we say, but it isn't.
Ted 2
5.9s
Guy? I thought that was you. What's happening, man? Hey, Rick! It is Ted. Hey, how you doing?
Ted 2
4.4s
No, I'm... I'm nervous because of one simple word.
Ted 2
21.1s
Oh, well, that's a good friend. Yeah. I'm Dr. Danzer. Oh, cool. (CHUCKLES) (SINGING) Hold me closer, Dr. Danzer Yeah, whatever, I don't know. Now, wait. You look familiar. Are you that teddy bear who came alive? I am. That's me, yeah. See, I was trying to figure out where I'd seen you before and that's it. Good eye, good eye. So, how did you get into this line of work? Do you just love oum?
Ted 2
1.2s
What?
Ted 2
3.6s
Something's wrong. What's going on? What's happening to him? Mr. Bennett? John?
Ted 2
3.7s
TED: So, uh, basically that's it. We need a sperm donor.