Found 636 results
28.4s
WEASEL: Meet... Domino. DEADPOOL: What's your shtick? I'm lucky. That's not a superpower. Yeah, it is. No, it isn't. Yes, it is. No, it isn't. Yeah, it is. No, it isn't. Yes, it is. No, it isn't. Yeah, it is. Really isn't. No, it isn't.Yes, it is. Told you. Get out of my head! I'm not in your head. I'm in an 11-year-old's bedroom. Well, if you're so lucky, then what are you doing here with us? I don't know yet. What's that supposed to mean? There's a reason why I'm here, and I'll know when I know. Everything usually just kind of works out for me. Like 2008 Ryan Reynolds.
Deadpool 2
58.5s
Number one, I'm gonna bend something. Something that was not meant to bend. I'm gonna stop you right there because I'm not gonna make it to two. I won't even make it to one. I don't do well with pain, you know. If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day. I cried when they canceled Felicity. When I get really scared, I get nervous erections. I have one right now. Don't look. It'll only make it worse. I don't want you to hurt me, and I'll tell you anything you wanna know. Except for where they are. Russell's in a convoy heading southbound on Gerry Duggan Parkway. The monster's with them. I wouldn't fuck with him. DEADPOOL: You all know the plan. Intercept the convoy, grab the boy. But not inappropriately! WEASEL: You know what, I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either. Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable. He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it. Watch out for this guy, Cable! He's very short, 5'11". Not like in the comics. And if we succeed, we all go home early. WEASEL: So if you go after them, Cable, I warn you... there's a wind advisory in effect.
Deadpool 2
37.4s
Ah, shit. [SNIFFLES] I just get a little choked up sometimes. I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous about the high winds? Gary. My name's Peter. I realize that you're new to this, but relax. You've been chosen by a higher power. Did he just call himself God? I think he did. I'd like to go home. And I'd like... the McRib to be available year round, but sometimes dreams don't come true. I spent 10 years in Special Forces. You think we didn't jump out of the plane because of a light breeze? You're in this shit now, Mustache! [WHISPERS] I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. Leonard, hit it! [ALARM BLARING] [THUNDERSTRUCKPLAYING]
Deadpool 2
40.5s
DEADPOOL: My world tour brought me home to this guy, Sergei Valishnikov. But we'll get to him in a moment. 'Cause I know what you're thinking. "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." But that's where you'd be wrong. That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now... and, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. True story. And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7. [CHUCKLING] Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire. That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire. Yeah. You know I get paid to take out bad guys, right? But this guy? He was one of the worst of 'em.
Deadpool 2
45.8s
[WEASEL RETCHES] Why wouldn't you cover that up? A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. WEASEL: Yeah, but you do. Look at you. You're just straight shirt-cocking it, toddler-style. Oh, yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh. The hell's happening? Describe it. I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you. WEASEL: It's like, um... Here we go. It's like he was giving birth anally, but they quit halfway through. They got the legs out, and they said, "You know what, I'm done." Happy? It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down. But this time, you can see the Muppet's dick. [DOOR OPENS] Grover's got a cock the size of a twig. DOPINDER: Mr. Weasel, I can no longer be double-parked. I've had three tickets already. [SCREAMS] No, no, no, DP, not again! This has happened before? [DOPINDER RETCHING] [DOOR OPENS] Jesus! Either vomit or don't. The indecision is killing me. Why couldn't God take my hearing?
Deadpool 2
1m6s
You time-sliding son of a bitch! You did this for me? Wait. You can't go back. You used the last of your fuel. What about your girl, your wife? Now, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. No, I'm gonna stick around for a while... and make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion. No. You did it for me. No, I didn't. You did. I really didn't. Pretty sure you did. No, I'm positive I didn't. Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay? Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me. I'm not even gonna look, because you did it for me. Say it again. He did it for me. CABLE: Jesus. We must get the collar off. Forget it. It's no use. These collars don't just come off. Wade. I have an idea. No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please! I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just... Oh, God! They do say the pen is grosser than the sword. [COLLAR BUZZING] RUSSELL: We need the code. Try, uh, seven? DEADPOOL: Settle down, Captain Lucky. It's not gonna be one number. Oh, God, that's lazy writing.
Deadpool 2
1m3s
♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ Is it just me, or does Do You Want to Build a Snowman? from Frozen... sound suspiciously like Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl? [SNIFFLES] ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ And nobody fucking realizes it. Wade, you gotta go home. You've been sitting here for three days, okay? You smell like sauerkraut left in the warm rain. Like wet garbage in hot urine. You smell like a dog ate kitty litter... and then farted his way out of the living room. I mean, like Rush Limbaugh's couch cushions after Shark Week. I love Frozen. I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water. An ocean is water. More importantly, I liked her. I really liked her, you know? George Michael was right. I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck! He's dead, too. At least we still have Bowie. Oh, Mr. Pool. David Bowie is... Uh, uh, uh... still with us. We do. We'll always have Bowie.
Deadpool 2
36s
I'm sorry, what? You heard me. Trust me, that's a terrible idea. I'm really not ready. You are ready. I'm not. Be at the X-Jet in five. I can do thirty. Now. I can do now. Final offer. REPORTER: Irene Merryweather, WHIT News. Live here at a breaking news situation at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation. A mutant boy is appearing to have some sort of an incident... with police here behind me. RUSSELL: Get away from me! There are two police vehicles that are overturned. There are open fires. Fuck off! Stay back! REPORTER: A scene of absolute chaos here. OFFICER: Calm down. RUSSELL: I'll burn you! You stay back!
Deadpool 2
36.1s
[WADE COUGHS] Well, hello there, new fish. It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. [COUGHS] I've done some light catalog work... but, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting. I was talking to him.Oh. Have we met? I can't place your mustache. Black Tom Cassidy. White Wade Wilson. What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation? You're supposed to be the toughest cunt in here. You don't look like much to me. First rule of the yard, fuckface... find the biggest guy and make him your... [GROANS] [INMATES EXCLAIM]
Deadpool 2
30.6s
Who is he talking to? And why is he dressed like a registered sex offender? Can we focus for a moment, ladies? Please, we need to talk about next month's meal plan. Obviously, everyone hated the ceviche. I read the suggestion box. I'm gonna stop you right there. I see through this weak act. You may have fooled Colossus with this nice guy shit... but not me. Don't be mean. Back off, NTW. No, no, no. Let her go. Let her go, it's okay. She has a right to be skeptical. Look at me. I'm an easy target.
Deadpool 2
37.9s
DOMINO: Whatever. We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in. DEADPOOL: Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked! No, we most certainly are not fucked. [CARS HORNS HONKING] [BRAKES SCREECHING] DEADPOOL: Seriously, I don't get it! What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? It's just it's hard to picture. And certainly not very cinematic. I mean, luck? What coked out, glass pipe-sucking freakshow comic book artist... came up with that little chestnut? Probably a guy who can't draw feet!
Deadpool 2
35.1s
She's gone. BLIND AL: Sweetheart, can you speak up? It's a little hard to hear you with that pity dick in your mouth. Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living. Thank you... Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. Listen to the pain. It's both history teacher and fortune teller. Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. Sometimes, it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we? Wade?
Deadpool 2