Daddy punished me for it. That's a great story. I felt like I was there. Daddy gave me an ouch.
Ted
1.2s
Hey.
Ted
1.9s
(MUFFLED ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
Ted
3.4s
You know, you guys seem pretty cool. You like to party?
Ted
9.9s
Well, you know, since I just returned from active duty in the Civil War that actually sounds very appealing. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. That was 150 years ago and I don't give a shit.
Ted
28s
No, John. We can get her back. Look, you remember when you were 10, and you hit that squirrel with your BB gun? And then when we saw it fall from the tree, we both started crying, you remember? And then we ran up to it and we tried to give it CPR, and it came back to life. John, we could do that again. Ted, we crushed its ribcage and blew out its lungs trying to give it CPR. It died.
Ted
13.7s
You know what? You're acting like a cock. You know that? What? I'm acting like a cock? Yes, you are. So shut your meat hole for a second and listen to me. Huh? Meat hole? What? That's not right, is it? No. "Pudding hole"? Is that what they say? No, it can't be that either.
Ted
5.4s
Hello, 911? I need the police right away. This guy took my teddy bear.
Ted
3.7s
I don't know. Where is he? I don't know. He just said he was in trouble.
Ted
2.8s
Can you call him back? No, it's blocked.
Ted
2.2s
(PLASTER SMASHING) Oh, my God!
Ted
1.4s
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Ted
23.8s
Yeah, I'd rather just not talk about it. Do you want to go get a drink after this? I feel like I could use one after seeing a guy almost die. (CLEARS THROAT) No, I think I'd rather just have you take me home. One drink. Come on. No, not really feeling up to it. All right, I get it. And, you know, I don't blame you. I mean, when you think about it, it was actually really unfair of him to embarrass you like that.
Ted
12.4s
NORAH: Thank you. Now, I'm going to give my chops a rest and bring a friend up to the stage. He's going to sing a song to a special lady in the audience who he loves very much. Please give a big hand to John Bennett.
Ted
7.5s
TED: Down here. Not looking up your towel. Swear to God. Not looking up your towel. Not looking at your funny business. Ted, what are you doing here?
Ted
4.3s
Yeah! Thanks. We're going to take a short break, but we'll be back in a few.
Ted
5.7s
The night we met. This is the theme song from the movie Octopussy.
Ted
3.2s
You know what? I don't feel like talking to you about this.
