Ted 2

Ted 2 (stylized as ted2) is a 2015 American fantasy comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane and written by MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, and Wellesley Wild. It is the sequel to Ted. The film follows the talking teddy bear Ted (voiced by MacFarlane) as he fights for his civil rights in order to be recognized as a person and not as property. The film also stars Mark Wahlberg, Amanda Seyfried, Giovanni Ribisi, Jessica Barth, John Slattery, and Morgan Freeman. Principal photography began in Massachusetts in July 2014. Ted 2 was released on June 26, 2015, by Universal Pictures. Despite the film failing to achieve the critical and commercial success of its predecessor, it still became a box office success, grossing $215.9 million on a $68 million budget. In January 2024, a prequel television series began streaming on Peacock.

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4.5s

No words. (SNIFFLES) They should've sent a poet.

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2s

They're moving in herds.

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2.1s

They do move in herds.

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11.9s

Please tell me that's not the only bong you brought on this trip. TED: Yeah, Sam. This puts us in kind of an awkward position, here. I mean, we wanna get high, too. I don't have any papers or nothing. Is this hilarious? I got it at a bachelorette party.

Ted 2

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20.5s

(LAUGHS) It's so stupid. Here, try it. Uh, no. Why? I don't wanna put a big glass cock in my mouth. Oh, you think this is big? (LAUGHS) Johnny, you walked right into that one, pal. This is all I brought. How about this? I'm gonna go check out the barn and I'm gonna see if I can find a soda can or something for us to make an actual bong. Yeah, see if you can make a non-dick bong.

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4s

Yeah. Hey, that's the name of the South Korean president. (LAUGHS) Right?

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5.5s

She gets... You get it. Right? No. What? Okay, I'll be back.

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13.6s

Sorry. No. This is nice. You know? I always wanted my ex-wife to get stoned with me. She never would. Really? Wow. That's the cornerstone of any great marriage. I agree. (BOTH CHUCKLE)

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5.7s

So, you think this Meighan guy is gonna help us? I mean, honestly, I don't know. Um...

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1.7s

But we're going to the right place.

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9s

Listen, I just really want to thank you for all you've clone, all you're doing for us. I know it's not making you rich. Please. There are more important things in life than money.

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8s

Look, I don't know what kind of mojo was in that wish you made when you were a child, but this bear is alive.

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7s

And it seems to me that once the law devalues one kind of life, how soon before it devalues another?

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2.1s

Who gets subjugated after the bear?

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2.2s

You're really smart, you know that?

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1.4s

How come you don't have a guy?

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11.5s

Dude, have you seen the guys in Boston? I'm supposed to date some pale, blotchy guy with a wife-beater under his Bruins jacket and a shamrock tattoo on his calf? Nope. Yeah. (CHUCKLES) That's so dumb.

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10.4s

(GRUNTS) I couldn't find any cans, but I got to tell you, there's some awesome shit in that barn. Take a look at this. I found a cowboy hat and a rifle and a guitar. Hey, be careful with that, huh. No, it's okay. It's not loaded.

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2.3s

And my fucking nose came off.

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8.4s

Jeez, I wonder who this place belongs to. Maybe we should find someplace else. (PLAYS GUITAR) We're in the middle of nowhere. If we get out of here by dawn, we should be fine, right?

Ted 2