Ted 2

Ted 2 (stylized as ted2) is a 2015 American fantasy comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane and written by MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, and Wellesley Wild. It is the sequel to Ted. The film follows the talking teddy bear Ted (voiced by MacFarlane) as he fights for his civil rights in order to be recognized as a person and not as property. The film also stars Mark Wahlberg, Amanda Seyfried, Giovanni Ribisi, Jessica Barth, John Slattery, and Morgan Freeman. Principal photography began in Massachusetts in July 2014. Ted 2 was released on June 26, 2015, by Universal Pictures. Despite the film failing to achieve the critical and commercial success of its predecessor, it still became a box office success, grossing $215.9 million on a $68 million budget. In January 2024, a prequel television series began streaming on Peacock.

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8.4s

MAN: Hey! Where the hell's my coffee? I've been waiting for 1 O minutes. I'm so sorry, sir. I forgot. I'll get it right away. Jesus, you're a waitress, you're not building rockets. Figure it out!

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1.6s

What a prick!

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Hey, 2O bucks I can toss a Cookie Crisp into his ass crack. Wait, let me try. I used to pitch for the softball team at Arizona State. Oh, yeah? Was your mascot a broken condom?

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Shut up.

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3.7s

Oh, my God! Holy shit! Who did that?

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Oh, Jesus Christ. You got to be kidding me! Now, we're assholes. Look what you did. I swear to God, I'll kick your goddamn ass! Who was it? Uh, sir, I apologize for my 5-year-old son. (m KID'S VOICE) I'm sowwy! Sowwy, sir. Cookie Crisp in your bum-bumzies. I'm sowwy. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

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Well, under the circumstances, I guess it's okay.

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Oh, my God. Now we're even bigger assholes. Go get my Cookie Crisp out of his ass. You guys making trouble over here? Uh, no, ma'am. We're just minding our business.

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Let's try to keep your boyfriend under control here, yeah?

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Oh, he's not my boyfriend.

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Oh.

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Good.

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We'll just get the check. Thanks. Of course.

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TED: Oh, my God. John, did you see that? She was totally giving you the fuck-me eyes.

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No, she wasn't. She was giving you the fuck-me eyes. What are the fuck-me eyes? Some women just have fuck-me eyes.

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Do I have fuck-me eyes? No, you have "Give us the ring, my precious" eyes.

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We better get going. We got two hours of driving left and I'm kind of beat. Yeah, we got to be well rested for tomorrow. I'll drive. You can take a nap. You don't have a license. Who cares? Johnny lets me drive every once in a while when he's too hammered. I'm a fucking pro!

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Besides, I've been kicked around a lot this week. I just...

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I want to feel useful, you know?

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Twenty minutes behind the wheel. Yay! (R&B MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

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