National Lampoon's Van Wilder
National Lampoon's Van Wilder is a 2002 comedy film directed by Walt Becker and written by Brent Goldberg and David T. Wagner. The film stars Ryan Reynolds as the title character alongside Tara Reid, Kal Penn, and Tim Matheson. The film follows the misadventures of its lead character, Van Wilder, a seventh-year senior who has made it his life goal to help undergrads at Coolidge College succeed in the future. After an article is written about his legacy by fellow student, Gwen Pearson (played by Reid), Van Wilder's party lifestyle is brought to light. This attracts the attention of Wilder's father, played by Matheson, who cuts off his tuition. Wilder becomes stuck in the middle of a love triangle between Gwen and her mean-spirited boyfriend, Richard Bagg while struggling to graduate. He tries various schemes to earn enough money to pay his tuition and graduate, with help from Gwen and the rest of the student body, except for a couple of sinister enemies who attempt to sabotage his efforts. The film received mostly negative reviews from critics but was popular with audiences. The film grossed $21,305,259 at the US box office; $16,970,224 at the international box office; and $38,275,483 overall, thus making it a box-office success. A sequel, Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj, was released on December 1, 2006. A prequel, Van Wilder: Freshman Year, was released straight-to-DVD on July 14, 2009. The movie is loosely based on a Rolling Stone article featuring comedian Bert Kreischer.
My exchange program culminates at the end of this school year... at which time I must return to my home country... where I do not have many friends. I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant. Okay. We're just gonna do a little word association. Say the first thing that comes to your mind. Milk. Tit! Oh, Mommy. Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred... but I hear �milk," I think giant jugs. You see, I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug... dine at just one American pink taco stand. You know, I wanted to-- how is it-- park the porpoise. I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah. And I would like to be your assistant very much... Mr. Van Wilder. You'll need a copy of my class schedule so you can take notes. You'll also handle my finances. I lecture at the freshman crisis group every other Monday. I'm spearheading the Save the Swim Team Speedo Spectacular... and the Bloated Belly Beer Bash to Battle Bulimia this semester. This is Sick Boy's room. Not a week's gone by he hasn't had an ailment. Shingles, hepatitis, crabs. That was his fault. - Matzo ball soup. Jewish penicillin. - Thanks, Van. Don't pick at it. Moving on. I'm moving my 7:15 to 8:15, my 8:15 to 9:45... and my 9:45 till Wednesday. You owe $75,000 for the speed boat. Cancel my guest lecture at the Wharton School next week. I feel like going somewhere tropical. Tahiti. Are you writing this down? - Yes, sir. - You owe $200,000 for the thoroughbred. Schedule a massage after my golf game tomorrow afternoon. - With a happy ending? - Ah, yes. And another $39,000 for your son's tuition and housing this semester. Tuition? Van is still in school? For the better part of a decade.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
"Depression: Is Prozac really the answer?" "Famine-- Crisis in Rwanda." "Tracking Tuition: Where does our money really go?" Each article well-written and researched by our own Gwen Pearson... and each article skipped over by the majority of the student body. I don't care. I won't pander to them.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
"Lite Beer vs. Dark-- The Showdown" by Darius Grayson. - Is that the same-- - Pulitzer-prize winning Darius Grayson. He was an alumnus of our journalism staff. He wrote his best stuff in detox. Still does, I'm told. I have got a very challenging assignment for you. A story that nobody's been able to get. - About what? - No, no. It's about whom.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
This ball club is the heart of this institution. You win, it beats. You lose, it breaks. You're not boxing out, Big Papa. You're my Windex man. I want you shining glass. We gotta D up out there. Darius. I want you all over that ball like a fat kid on a cupcake. What are you looking at? Your mom said you left your legs at home. For God's sake! I'd do anything for you guys... which is why I'm throwing you a little soiree tomorrow night... but not without a W tonight. You want to know why? Nobody wants to celebrate a loss, guys. Hey, man, you gonna invite those freak honeys from Mt. Holyoke? I already did. They said they'd try to make it if they weren't humping the Matadors. - The Matadors? - What?
National Lampoon's Van Wilder