Instant Family
Instant Family is a 2018 American family comedy-drama film starring Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne as parents who adopt three siblings, played by Isabela Merced, Gustavo Quiroz, and Julianna Gamiz. Also starring Margo Martindale, Julie Hagerty, Tig Notaro, Octavia Spencer, and Tom Segura. The film is directed by Sean Anders, who wrote the screenplay with John Morris, based in part on Anders' own experiences. Instant Family was released in the United States on November 16, 2018. It grossed over $120 million worldwide, and was called an "earnest, heartwarming comedy" by critics, who also praised the performances.
44.1s
- Bye! - Hey! - Where the hell were you? - We went to the movies. And it ran a little bit later. It's not a big deal. You couldn't have taken five seconds to let us know nobody murdered you? Well, guess what? You're grounded. - I'm grounded? - Yeah. You're grounded. Because I just grounded you. Before you weren't grounded, you weren't anything, and then I just said that thing that I said, and now you're grounded! - We've been waiting one hour for you! - I'm the bad guy. Calm down. - He's the bad guy. - You're not going anywhere. - You're done! - Done! - Don't want to hear it! - You know what? When I was nine I lived in a crack house. So I'm pretty sure the multiplex is a comparatively safe environment. Oh, no. No. You don't play that trouble pass card with us. Your butt's in a sling, missy! - Oh, Grandma Sandy, I forgot. - What? I got you, um...
Instant Family
38.5s
You know, this reminds me of when Pete and his degenerate friends stole a pizza truck. - She's good. She's good. - Oh, God. Are you two gonna stand there all night, or are we gonna try to get these kids to bed at a decent hour? You remember I told you we weren't special enough for this? - We were doing fine. - You said that we were in a rut. Maybe we were spoiled and didn't appreciate the rut. The rut was easy and quiet. You know, I miss the rut. But you had to be a mommy. Whose idea was it to go and talk to the teenagers? We could've had a toddler who doesn't have opinions and thong underwear. - What? - You pushed us into some next-level shit! Look, we can't start turning on each other here. If we just stay calm and we work together, we can find a way to get these little assholes out of our house!
Instant Family
29.5s
Now we're talking! - That's exactly what I was thinking. - Hello! - I hate them so much. - Me too. They're the worst. They're so ungrateful. We're doing everything for them. - And they could give two shits. - Right? But guess what? They're not adopted yet. No. No, they're not. We could just... put 'em back. I mean, yes, we would look like the worst people in the world, but... Yeah, we would. And right now everybody thinks we're saints. I know. I love that part. I do love that part. That's the only good part.
Instant Family
21s
Just an idea. What if we say that some relatives came forward? The courts took 'em. There's nothing we could do. Right? We squirt a few tears, we act super devastated. That's good. That's good. That's very good. And we get our clean house and date night back. And everybody feels sorry for us. - Yes! - Right? Get some presents maybe.
Instant Family
1m24s
Speak of the devil. What are they doing here? You never said I couldn't have any people over. Everybody knows you can't have people over when you're grounded. You know that too, because they obviously came in through the window. This place is disgusting, by the way. - God, what a Nazi bitch. - What did you call me? I don't know. You just seem like a Nazi bitch. Get out. Now. - Out. Both of you, out. Go! Now! - No, you get out of my room. No, no, I'm staying in your black room. These guys are leaving. No, out the window, Pussy Riot! Way you came in! - Out, now! - Holy shit! Out! Out! - Oh! - You're literally crazy! - You're driving me crazy! - Oh, my God. What are you doing? - You're acting like you're a psychopath. - Start the car. - What is going on in there? - Lizzy, please, I said you're grounded. - Where are you going? - I'm calling my caseworker. That's a good idea, huh? Get CPS to come, make your little brother and sister pack up their court bears and trash bags in the middle of the night and move them back to the Muskies? - That'll be really good for them. - Better than you. No! Not better than me! I can't with you. Can you please deal with her, Pete? - Hey, Lizzy, you're gonna... - We're really good people! We just want to make a nice home for you. Is that so wrong? You're just another white lady who wants to adopt little charity orphans to make you feel good about yourself. Pete, you tell her what my nationality is! Tell her! Well, actually by blood she is... I'm one-eighth Comanche, okay? So I'm not that white! And do I look like I feel good about myself right now? Okay, then tell me! Please tell me! Why did you suddenly feel the urge to get foster kids?
Instant Family
15.5s
What are you doing? Take it out! - No, better to leave it in till we get to the hospital. - You're okay, buddy. We're here. We're here. You're okay. Stay still. I got to wrap it up. Relax. We'll get you there in one second, okay? You're... - Oh, honey, Juan is gonna be okay. - Come on.
Instant Family
51.9s
- I got you, buddy. I got you. - Get in, get in, get in. Seat belts on, everybody! Seat belts on. You're a brave boy, you hear me? Look at me. You're so brave. Yeah? You're doing such a good job, buddy. We're right here. Hello! Hey, help, please. - What happened? - He's got a nail in his foot. I didn't want to take it out, just in case. That was very smart. Put him right on this gurney. - Hey, buddy. - It's all right, buddy. We're here. - Are you the mother? - Yes. Oh, I'm his foster mom. - Okay. - Right this way, Dad. Hey, buddy, what's your name? Juan, we're gonna clean this off, give you a little anesthetic, and then take this nail out. Hold my hand. Gonna be a little pinch. Look at me. - Hold my hand, hold my hand. - A little bit of a sting. - Stop! Stop! - It's almost over. - That's it. - It's done! It's done. It's done. I think we should take Lita to the lobby. You want to go with her or stay here with Juan? You take her.
Instant Family
37.3s
So he doesn't have to wear a cast or anything? It's just stitches? - Yeah. - Well, that's good news. - Yeah. - And how did this happen? It was my fault. I walked away, and I left the gun there. - Juan just picked it up. - No. It wasn't their fault. It was mine. I was trying to leave in a car and I wasn't supposed to, and then they got distracted, and then I yelled at Juan, and he dropped the thing on his foot... Don't be ridiculous. I should never have left the nail gun there. Pete, shut up! This is the kind of stuff they move kids for, okay? It wasn't their fault. They didn't do anything. - I should be the one getting in trouble right now. - It's okay. Why don't you come on over here? Excuse me. And, uh, let's talk about what happened.
Instant Family