- Hey. - Hey. Hi, professor. Well, there's the prettiest little girl on the beach. - Thank you. - I was actually talking to him. Yup! Immediately offensive. I'm going back to the hotel. Just try not to join the cast of Rent on the way back!
Dirty Grandpa
10s
So we got the professor, you got the millionaire. How's the rest of the Gilligan's Island cast? We're good. - Yeah? - Yeah, everyone's good. - Well, that's good. - Copacetic on the island.
Dirty Grandpa
10.6s
Hey, no, guys! Absolutely not! I will not ever sell you drugs out of this establishment! We didn't ask you to sell us drugs.
Dirty Grandpa
8.7s
Anybody work here? Okay, everybody on the fucking floor! This is a goddamn robbery! On the fucking ground!
Dirty Grandpa
1m19s
He just keeps walking by yelling weird shit, I don't know why... Okay, well, what restaurant are you at? - I can barely even hear you now. - We're at Chuck E. Cheese's... Daytona fucking Beach! Daytona fucking Beach! You're right, buddy! - You're in Daytona Beach? - Uh... Listen, we're just driving through Daytona Beach. - We're en route to Grandpa's... - Jason! I don't know why you're there, but you'd better call me from your grandfather's house - when you get there tonight, okay? - Of course, baby. I love you so much... - Fuck! - Marriage is hard. What'd the hot college girls text back? Grandpa, what are you texting them? - I just texted them. - What are you texting them? "We'll meet you on the beach." Yeah, and I added the emoji with the wink and the tongue out. I'm not kidding, Grandpa. You realize that if I don't call her from your house in Boca tonight, I'm fucked, man, I'm fucked. Jesus. Sounds like you're marrying your fucking parole officer. It's just Meredith. It's the way she is, man. She just gets, like, anxious when she doesn't know exactly where I am. Don't panic. It's organic. Yeah, I know. Couples get in fights all the time. But it's different with Meredith. She takes it to another level, man, and I'm telling you, if I don't call her from your house in Boca, I'm screwed. Well, ain't nobody got time for that. Yeah, I know. Clearly. Which is why I don't understand how we got so far off schedule. Oh... Sometimes life is just a fart zone, and you enter at your own risk.
Dirty Grandpa
1m12s
One, two, three... - Hello? - Where the fuck have you been? Uh... we got to Grandpa's a little bit later than we thought last night, and my phone charger wasn't working. Well, you know we missed the deadline for our wedding announcement to be in the Times. Where are you? Are you close? Um... Listen, Grandpa got really upset last night. So I'm just getting a little bit of a late jump here. I want to show you the bouquets for the bridesmaids. So switch to FaceTime, okay? Shit! Baby, the reception at Grandpa's isn't very good... - Jason, just fucking do it! - Okay, one second. Switching over. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Is that sand on your face? It's just sawdust because I was helping Grandpa in the garage, so... I naturally got the dust of the saw on the face. - Hi, honey. - Jason. - Mom? Dad? - Is that writing on your face? Oh! I was working on my vows late last night and... Hmm... And I fell asleep and I got some pen on my face, so... Yeah, that must be the exact thing that happened. Yeah, Meredith called us because she hadn't heard from you all night. We got the rabbi here to work on the vows.
Dirty Grandpa
48.7s
I don't like that one as much as the swastika full of dicks. Okay, let's discuss the wedding vows. Jason, why don't you begin by telling us all what it is you like about Meredith. Yeah, where do I start? She's... - Hello. - Uh... - Hello, buzzy bee. - What? If you can't think of anything, lean into them looks, dawg. Can I touch buzzy bee? I've loved her for... No, you can't touch buzzy bee! Um... I love the way that she, um... What are you doing? Stop it! Go away! You're getting me in... Fuck, go away! - Your buzzy bee looks so fluffy! - What did he say? - I just don't know where to start. - Let me touch buzzy bee! - You can't have the bee! - What? I want to stroke the bee! You can't stroke the bee! Okay?
Dirty Grandpa
16.8s
What are you doing? Hey. - How'd you do that? - Coming or staying, Jack Dicklaus? - Grandpa? - Hurry up, Bubba Twatson. - Grandpa, stop. - Gary Player-with-my-balls. Stop the cart! Fred Couples-of-big-dicks-in-your-ass. - Oh, my God. Grandpa! Stop! - Michelle Wies-all-over-my-face.
Dirty Grandpa
22.6s
- Boker tov, Jason. - Hey. Shalom. No, Jason, really... What is on your forehead? It's a swastika of penises. No, that's not what it is. Acting as a pinwheel of ejaculate... No, no, no, it's a FaceTime effect. All the kids are using them these days. There's a Hanukkah one. See?
Dirty Grandpa
15.6s
- I want to kiss buzzy bee! - You can't kiss the bee! I love the way that she kisses. - Ow! Kid! - Hey! - Oh, my God... - Hey! - Fucking pervert! - Oh, no. I got to go right now. I'm sorry. I love you. Bye! No, no, no! Jason! Jason! Come on. I told you to stay with us.
Dirty Grandpa
9.3s
Bam! Are you still Jenny from the cock-block? What the fuck! What is your obsession with my ass? Your vibrator's on.
Dirty Grandpa
7.9s
It's a pretty rockin' party. Whoo. Who let the dogs out? Am I right?
Dirty Grandpa
4.4s
We're not going to Daytona, because I've got the keys to the golf cart.
Dirty Grandpa
1.6s
Oh, shit!
Dirty Grandpa
27.6s
Yeah, I'm not really, you know, for sure... ...per say... ...what we're doing after graduation. I mean, - we have offers to play... - Blah, blah, blah... ...professional lacrosse in Europe, - but a bunch of agents - Words, words, words... also want us to start modeling, so... And again, we're talking about this fat fuck right here? You guys... Uh, you have to come see this right now.
Dirty Grandpa
9.5s
It's all over for me, Dick. You know, all I wanna do is play Bingo. Go.