Found 289 results

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12.5s
So... are you getting married next weekend? I was. I was getting married, but then I met you, and now I don't... Oh, my God! No. Don't pull that shit.

Dirty Grandpa

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2.1s
I just smoked crack!

Dirty Grandpa

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2.3s
- Blood. - Semen it is.

Dirty Grandpa

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2.2s
And you're my uncle.

Dirty Grandpa

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2s
Hey, Griz...

Dirty Grandpa

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1m20s
All right, our team won! Let's celebrate by buying local drugs from a reputable, local drug dealer. Hey, what are you doing here? I'm selling drugs, man. I'm trying to put my kid through preschool. How honest is that! Touching my face a lot, bro. Touching my face a whole lot, man. Why don't you take some of this. This'Il mellow you out. - What is it? - E-cig, bro. "E" is for "Weed"! Sure, why not? Yeah, ooh, that's a big... That's a big one. Oh! Whoo! Just be glad you didn't smoke this, man. This is crack! - What? - Oh, yeah! This one... Oh, wait a minute... Maybe that one's crack and this one's weed. Hang on. What'd you do now, Pam? Fuck. Hold on. Which one's crack? Okay. I got this. Don't freak out. Sorry to worry you, man. You're not gonna believe this. - They're both crack. - What? And you have taken an amount that will probably kill you in about 30 minutes. - I just smoked crack? - Yeah. But just, like, a lot. I just smoked crack.

Dirty Grandpa

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2.7s
Bingo!

Dirty Grandpa

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7.5s
You know, Stinky had more confirmed kills than anyone in our platoon back in 'Nam? 118. Shut the fuck up.

Dirty Grandpa

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22.2s
Hey, hey! Come on! What the hell! Hey, guy, unless you want a Chipwich or some heroin, get off my ice cream truck! Who the fuck is this slob? Slob? I am a small business owner! I am the backbone of this country! I am holding a Taser! - Whoa! Shit! - Dude, should I stop? - What are you... - I'm kind of in the middle of it right here. Shit! All right.

Dirty Grandpa

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19.5s
I kind of feel like we're just getting in your way. - Yeah? - I'm sure there's something... What the fuck? Did you just get naked? - It's the best way to sleep. - Oh, my God! I picked it up in Uganda from the Umbatdo. Umbat-don't let your junk touch my leg again or you're sleeping on the floor.

Dirty Grandpa

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14.9s
Hey, hon, the people at the venue said they don't have enough mint napkins, so which one do you like better? The seafoam or the pistachio? I'll get it.

Dirty Grandpa

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8.4s
- The mic's off. - Jason, your mic cut out. What? Your mic cut out at the most inopportune time, so we can't hear why you want to leave those images up.

Dirty Grandpa

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4.5s
Apology accepted. Okay.

Dirty Grandpa

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1.9s
It's a little bit weird.

Dirty Grandpa

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1.9s
Look at this.

Dirty Grandpa

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25.3s
Uh-oh! Has the old man fallen? Or is it... One-armed motherfucking push-ups! Holy shit! Lesbian daughter's getting in on the action! I happen to know he smoked crack last night! These push-ups are fueled by the devil's candy! Unbelievable! Your move, Dolly Parton. What are you gonna do now, team Top Gun?

Dirty Grandpa

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19.3s
What is going on? What just happened? Hey. I don't even fucking know, but I'm not getting married. Okay, so that makes it okay that you were lying to me? No. No, it doesn't. But you have to admit that when we were together it felt great. - There was something real there. - Yeah.

Dirty Grandpa

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7s
You sure I should be driving with this, Grandpa? Don't worry, if you spill it, this giant tampon we're driving in should soak it up.

Dirty Grandpa