REX: That was insane. Did you see the way the guy's body hit the ground? He was like a ragdoll.
Ted
4.2s
Listen, why don't John and I go get a drink at the bar?
Ted
3.4s
Yes, he is, my little winner. Yes, he is.
Ted
1.4s
You walking home alone, huh?
Ted
15.4s
Lori, the worst that can happen is that you go on a fun, casual date with a guy who just wants a chance to prove that he can be something more than a jerk. Plus, you are a huge catch. And it's about time someone treated you that way.
Ted
5.9s
Uh... I'm not sure, it's... (DIAL TONE) Hello? Hello, John?
Ted
3s
Don't ever lose her again.
Ted
11.5s
You had sexual intercourse with a co-worker on top of the produce that we sell to the public. I fucked her with a parsnip last week and I sold the parsnip to a family with four small children.
Ted
5.4s
Well, as it turned out, John picked the perfect night to make a wish.
Ted
4.8s
What? Excuse me? I want it. I'm not an "it," pal. I'm a "he," all right?
Ted
2.8s
Okay, here's a test to see how much you actually care about me.
Ted
1.9s
Is he all mine, Daddy?
Ted
3.7s
Yeah. No. Yeah. No.
Ted
1.5s
(SINGING)
Ted
1.3s
TED: Whoa!
Ted
1.2s
Yeah.
Ted
9s
I love you girls. You know, somewhere out there are four terrible fathers I wish I could thank for this great night. What is that? What is what?
Ted
5.1s
Oh. Is that a Flash Gordon ray gun, or are you just happy to see me?
