AZMAT: Kumail. You're being selfish, you're not thinking about us.
The Big Sick
4.4s
Eventually, you have to marry a Pakistani girl. Like...
The Big Sick
4.3s
I mean, we played cricket, which is just a spicier version of baseball.
The Big Sick
28.8s
You don't want to get stuck in Chicago, right? You don't want to end up like Sam Highsmith, who's been doing the "People say Sam" bit since '03. - SAM: I don't like kids. - [ Audience laughs ] - People say, "Sam..." - See? - Is that what you want? - It's like... Is that what you want for your life? It's amazing. And it's the same material. - SAM: What do people say? - AUDIENCE: Sam. - SAM: People say what? - AUDIENCE: Sam. I'm Sam Highsmith. Thank you very much. You know what, I'm gonna tell him... - He's a hack. - ...how I feel about it. - Fucking tell him. - Never writes anything new. - I'm gonna tell him... - It's fucking bullshit. - Great set, dude. - I'm feeling it, bro. - Killing me, man. - Crushing. Love the new stuff.
The Big Sick
27.4s
So, uh, thank you, guys... There's no bad crowds, dude, only bad comedians. You complain about the crowd, like, all the time. Yeah, like, that's when they're really bad. That's, like, 90% of the time they're really bad. Look, will you just watch and give me notes tonight? All right? If we both give each other notes, I think it helps. Your notes are just, "Add more fucks into the bit." - That doesn't help anybody. - Hey, fuck's a funny word. It's soft on the top, and it's hard on the end. That was truly horrible. - That was so bad. - What happened? - Just watch. - I'll watch, give you notes. - All right. Thank you. - Hey, that was great. No, he didn't even crack a smile. - I thought I was gonna puke. - Who?
The Big Sick
1.3s
Bob Dalavan.
The Big Sick
2s
- [ Applause continues ] - [ Cheering continues ]
The Big Sick
9.7s
Multigrain, pumpernickel, pita bread, hot dog bun, croutons. I can't eat any of it.
The Big Sick
1.1s
[ Door slams ]
The Big Sick
29.2s
♪ Somethin's wrong 'cause my mind is fading ♪ ♪ And everywhere I look there's a dead end waiting ♪ ♪ Temperature's dropping at the rotten oasis ♪ ♪ Stealing kisses from the leprous faces ♪ ♪ Got a devil's haircut in my mind ♪ ♪ Got a devil's haircut in my mind ♪ ♪ Got a devil's haircut in my mind... ♪
The Big Sick
8.1s
You put out chairs, you do five minutes. - You know the deal. - Come on, man. I'll double it up next time. Come on. What are you gonna do in there? I'm making up next week's schedule. Okay, cool.
The Big Sick
5.7s
WOMAN: I wouldn't call it an obsession, but I'm pretty good at magic. - [ All exclaim ] - Yeah.
The Big Sick
14.5s
So, these are my real journals, honestly. And this is the woman who wrote them. - Poor gal. - [ Audience laughs ] Yeah. She-- She has no idea that, like, giant titties are about to sprout and change her life dramatically.
The Big Sick
2.5s
We should be ashamed of ourselves. We're weak. We're weak.
The Big Sick
7.9s
Who's Bob Dalavan? Bob Dalavan works for the Montreal Comedy Festival, you fucking doof. - He's here? - CJ: Yes. Don't you want to get noticed?