Found 337 results
23.6s
- Here you go. - Thank you. - Would you like to take a picture with the judge? - Yeah, sure. Thank you. Yeah, let's do it. That's gonna be us soon. Oh, I'm part of this family too. - Okay, thank you. - Wait, me too! - I'd like to be in the picture. - Are you sure? We're not... We should all go. I think they'd like that. Okay. Okay. Yeah.
Instant Family
1m4s
- How long have everyone's eyes been open? - Kimmy, you of all people. - What if you can't have a baby? - Do not put that out into the universe, please. What if you can't? What are you gonna do? If you don't quit being so nuts about this baby thing, I swear to God, I'm gonna get pregnant again this afternoon just to spite you. - And you know I can do it. - Really? - No. - Oh. I'm sorry if we're not as politically correct as you guys, but our baby has to be our blood. - Yes! Absolutely! - Oh, my God. "Our blood." - This blood? This blood right here? - What's that supposed to mean? - Jerry, what do you think? - I'd be thankful if we could eat, Russ. You just spent 30 minutes talking about the deep state. You don't have an opinion on your own family? - None of my business. - Thank you, Daddy. I would like you all to know that thousands of children are spending Thanksgiving without any family at all. And right now I kind of envy them. But I know you guys love me. I know that I have a place to go to eat turkey and be thankful. But a lot of kids don't have that. And it's not their fault! And they're not damaged goods! So forget what I said before. It is back on! - If that's okay with you, honey. - Yee-haw, baby. Yee-haw. We're gonna adopt a whole shitwhack of kids. And I am thankful that whoever has a problem with it can fuck right off!
Instant Family
24.1s
- Huh? How'd that feel? - It felt good! - Feels good, huh? I told you. - Yeah. Now... Whoa, whoa! Don't waste it, all right? I want you to do me a favor. I need you to think about something that really pisses you off. - You got it? - I got it. - Are you sure? - I got it. Let's see it. Bust that shit up. Yes! - There you go. You like that? - Yeah, that was good. All right, come on.
Instant Family
21s
Just an idea. What if we say that some relatives came forward? The courts took 'em. There's nothing we could do. Right? We squirt a few tears, we act super devastated. That's good. That's good. That's very good. And we get our clean house and date night back. And everybody feels sorry for us. - Yes! - Right? Get some presents maybe.
Instant Family
53.2s
She just comes out here, she takes all this stuff out, and she can't bother with the one second it takes to close a stupid door or put anything in the sink. - What happened? - I found my hairbrush in the toilet this morning. - What? - I told you that wasn't me! Of course it was you. I left it in the bathroom for you. - Juan and Lita aren't even up yet. - I'm up now, Miss Noisy Pants. I'm sorry, sweetie. I thought we were really connecting. I left it there for her with a nice little note, with hearts on it and stuff. - Oh, my God. - I didn't do it. - Wow. Hello. - What is that? You're wearing that? Are you going to a strip club? Sorry I don't dress like an uptight douche like you. - You don't talk to my wife like that! - This is from Ann Taylor. Loft! You know what? Go put some clothes on, a lot of them. - Then get in my truck. I'm driving you this morning. - Oh, my God! You guys are so annoying! - Change the clothes. - It's not that big of a deal. - Hey. - Do I dress like a douche? - No. Make sure she gets out to my truck. - Bye, Daddy. Bye, sweetie.
Instant Family
44.1s
- Bye! - Hey! - Where the hell were you? - We went to the movies. And it ran a little bit later. It's not a big deal. You couldn't have taken five seconds to let us know nobody murdered you? Well, guess what? You're grounded. - I'm grounded? - Yeah. You're grounded. Because I just grounded you. Before you weren't grounded, you weren't anything, and then I just said that thing that I said, and now you're grounded! - We've been waiting one hour for you! - I'm the bad guy. Calm down. - He's the bad guy. - You're not going anywhere. - You're done! - Done! - Don't want to hear it! - You know what? When I was nine I lived in a crack house. So I'm pretty sure the multiplex is a comparatively safe environment. Oh, no. No. You don't play that trouble pass card with us. Your butt's in a sling, missy! - Oh, Grandma Sandy, I forgot. - What? I got you, um...
Instant Family
38.1s
So I said, "Young lady, we hear about you throwing food in the cafeteria one more time, and you're gonna have a couple of lunch dates." Next day, the behavior continued. So we went to the school and joined her in the cafeteria. Chattin' up all her middle school BFFs. I walked them through some of my better bird-watching stories. They were completely uninterested. But that food throwing has stopped! Good. Good. Would you like to share your news? - About the couch fire? - No. About your .26 hearing. Yes.
Instant Family