The Three Keys of Coolness in High School, by Jenko. One, don't try hard at anything. Okay? Two, make fun of people who do try. Three, be handsome. Four, if anyone steps to you on the first day of school, you punch them directly in the face. Five, drive a kick-ass car.
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That was awesome! That was amazing. - Was I flying? - That was amazing. All right, do mine, do mine. - Okay, ready? Here I go. - Yeah, yeah.
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All right, but just don't be driving it like teenagers, revving up the engine and shit, okay? We would never.
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Okay, that makes sense. Continue.
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I think I shit my pants.
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- Hey, you ready? - Go!
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Shit.
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"Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law." "You have the right to an attorney." "If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed..." Dude, do you still not know the Miranda rights? You're a cop. Come on, man. They always cut away on TV before they finish them.
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Just shut up.
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Beautiful day out there, boys.
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No. Come on, man. We're adults now. We're best buds. It's definitely not going to happen again. - We're good. - Cool.
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You don't think that's going to happen again, do you?
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We didn't really get along in high school.
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You know, back in the day, you were super popular, and I wasn't as much.
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It's the first day of school, dude. I got to look awesome.
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You okay?
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You got to one-strap it. Seriously, I would no-strap it if that would even be possible. Okay, what makes you the expert? I was cool in high school, and you weren't.
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- No, dude, I'm Brad. - Okay, good. So that means your name is Doug, son. - Yeah, I'm Doug. - Great. Here are your class schedules. Funny, I wouldn't have taken you for the brainy type. I wouldn't. But you as a drama geek, far less surprising. Thank you. Now we have the wrong identities, you dumb-ass. I'm in drama. I suck at drama. It's girly and embarrassing. Oh, my God. Relax, dude. Who cares? I can fake my way through band practice and app chemistry for a few weeks. AP Chemistry. AP Chemistry. And, no, you can't, because you don't even know what it's actually fucking called!
