Found 289 results
21.8s
"This day I call the heavens and the earth as a witness against you..." "...that I have set before you life and death..." Hey, babe, I found the tie you're going to wear to the rehearsal brunch Sunday. Do you like the coral color or the salmon? "...that the race is not to the swift..." Either one. "...nor the battle to the strong."
Dirty Grandpa
22.3s
- I don't sound like that. - Yeah? - What do you sound like then? - Not like that. I don't even sound like that. - Give me my phone call. - Oh, please, let me have my phone call. I'm an American and I'm fucking guaranteed... I am an American... I am guaranteed a phone call. My right to have a phone call!
Dirty Grandpa
1m26s
Now, this is what I'm fucking talking about. This is so fucked up. Calm down, you'll get to hang out with that gypsy girl you like. - I don't like her. - Oh, yes, you do. That's why you didn't deny being a photographer for Time magazine. You can hang out with her, I can have vaginal sex with Lenore. It all works out! We can even go visit my old army buddy, Stinky. Stinky? Which tiki bar are they in? Oh, shit. Shit. Shit. - What's that? - It's Meredith. - Please, I've got to answer that. - Ah, tell her to fuck off. Grandpa! I'm just gonna check the testosterone levels on your phone first. Grandpa, give me my phone now! Just as I thought. Pretty low. This is Meredith calling... Shit! Now, look what you did, you dropped it in the car's vagina. God damn it, I have to put it on speaker. - Don't say anything. - I will not say a word. Ballbags! Hey! Who was that? No one. We're in a restaurant. Sorry. "Who's that?" - What's up? - Okay... Well, I really want them to post our wedding announcement on the New York Times website before our rehearsal brunch Friday, so I just wanted to run your section back to you. Yeah, you know, now's really not a good time... Jason? Can we just do this please? "Can we do this now?" - "Jason Richard Kelly, son of..." - Doctor Smegma Von BoxMunchers." "David and Brooke, is a junior associate at the law firm of..." - "Cream pie fart and donkey punch!" - Okay, who is that? It's no one. It's a waiter with pretty bad Tourette's, I think...
Dirty Grandpa
1m38s
What's up, Nick? Fucking sucks dick about Grandma, huh? Yeah. Old woman fucking murdered like that. - Nick, she had cancer. - That's what they want you to think. She had cancer for ten years. A little too convenient, Jason. No, it's not... at all. We'll never know the truth. - We absolutely know the truth. - Yeah. Grandma had cancer for 10 years. You don't just die from cancer, Jason! It's a conspiracy, man. Just like 9/11. Oh, God. For your information, Grandma is not right here. Grandma is gone and she was taken from us, - we must find the man that did this! - Nick! Stop it! Ow, man! These are Rockports! Fuck, man! I just got these. - Calm down... - See you at the crossroads, Grandma. What are you doing? Are you kidding me? Right now? Hey, get your shit together! My dad and my fiancée are literally standing right next to us. - Beyoncé's here? - No. Your dad and fiancée are standing next to Beyoncé? - What? No. - Is Jay Z here too? - No. - Is Blue lvy here? - Nick. - I'm in the minority. I think that kid's gonna be hot. What is that? Hmm? - What are you doing? - I'm just... - Are you fucking high right now? - No, this isn't... - You're high as a kite! - It's an e-cigarette. It's filled with a little weed, but it's an e-cigarette. Grow up, man! What are you doing? "Grow up"? How adult are you? What, do you listen to NPR in your Volvo? You play racquetball competitively against business associates? - No. No. - You ever go away to a rented house with other couples and then play Scattergories - over a bottle of white wine? - Jason.
Dirty Grandpa
25.6s
Hey! Here they are! How was the protest? - Uh, it was good. - Yeah, it was good. This is Lamar, Lil' Chris, Big Chris, Murray Finkelstein. And, of course, you've already met Ty-rizone. That nigga's crazy, man. Yeah, what's with the N-word, anyway? I can say it. I can't say it... You can say it when we let you say it. Which is never. Just never say that under any circumstances.
Dirty Grandpa