Found 289 results
32.7s
Every single day, my career's in jeopardy... - What are you doing? - I'm taking the regulator off the pneumatic propulsion system. Give me a beer. Grandpa, what did you really do for the army? - I told you, I was a mechanic. - Bullshit. You speak Arabic. You hot-wired a golf cart. Tell me the truth. All right, I was Special Forces! I trained insurgents behind enemy lines from Vietnam to Iraq. Now give me the fucking beer can! Come on! Look at this dummy! What an idiot!
Dirty Grandpa
42s
It's not fair to just keep Shadia in the dark like this. Since we started this, it's just been one big lie. She has no idea who I am. I have to tell her the truth. Well, maybe telling her tonight is a little abrupt. The most important part of a relationship is trust. - That's right. - And I'm going to start now. Or you can just wait till I have sex with Lenore tonight, then you can tell Shadia everything. - No. I'm just lying. - Jason, I'm your grandfather! You wait till I fuck that college girl! - I'm telling her now. - Jason... Jason! Jason!
Dirty Grandpa
27.1s
It's too bad Lenore barfed all over herself tonight. I definitely could have had sex with her. Yup. I probably could have still had sex if she just threw up on her front, but she somehow got it all over her back, and I would have felt bad. Well, chivalry isn't dead. I like the way you took that haymaker tonight. Sometimes you just gotta take that punch up front, you know? Then things get easier in the long run.
Dirty Grandpa
40.7s
Hey. Wait, just calm down. - What? - Shit. Yeah, we'll be right there. - What's going on? - We gotta go. And then I came back from the bathroom and all those black guys from the club were, like, standing around Lenore and Dr. Richards and they were yelling at them and threatening them and they, like, kidnapped them! - And I think one of them had a gun! - Did you see where they took them? No. Those guys are staying at The Tillman. That's all I know. - Okay. - Come on! - Come on! - Shit! What? - I smell marijuana. - Mmm-hmm.
Dirty Grandpa
19.7s
First of all, nobody wears a fucking white belt. The only people who wear white belts are people who suck at karate and people who suck at life. Take the fucking belt off. And you better lose that fucking white polo shirt and those pleated khaki pants. You're meeting up with girls, not blowing an oil executive on a fucking golf course. Put these on.
Dirty Grandpa
30.5s
Okay. They're in the hospital till tomorrow! The room's ours for the night. Look at these fucking people. How was brunch at Hitler's house that day? Hey, Grandpa, who else in our family knows that you were, uh, Special Forces or whatever? No one, once your grandmother passed. Your father stopped talking to me before my missions were declassified. So he always thought I was just an army mechanic. But don't you think that you guys would get along a little better if you told him?
Dirty Grandpa
52.2s
What do these guys want to cut all the trees down for anyway? For some stupid, like, massive, tacky entertainment complex. You know, the ones with, like, arcades and laser tag. That sort of thing. - Laser tag? I love laser tag. - Yeah. - When does it open? - Nice. Thanks a lot. - Shadia! - Hi, Griz. Oh, my God, your pics from the Boston rally look amazing! - Thank you. - Yeah. Absolutely. Sweet Hacky Sack, man. It's not a Hacky Sack, dawg. That's the trade name. It's an organic hemp-seed foot satchel. And what's someone from the fucking laser tag lobby doing here? No, I'm just a friend of Shadia's. Just a friend. That's pretty cool, man. What is that, a dance ball? Fuck! What the fuck? - You're fucking kidding me. - It's like a... What the fuck! It's a 4-inch acrylic juggling orb! Dick. Um... I'll see you guys next weekend. - Absolutely. Absolutely. - Yeah? Okay. Bye. - Love your necklace. - Bye.
Dirty Grandpa