Found 289 results
21.3s
27.1s
Have you been reading shit off the shot glasses and the shirts in here and just saying it like it's wisdom? I was seriously trying to talk to you, man. Do you realize the stakes here? - You're ridiculous! - Smile. You've had a phone this entire fucking time? What else don't I know about you? How the hell do you know how to speak Arabic? Dad's never said anything about that. That's because your dad doesn't really know much about me. I was away with the army during most of his childhood. - So we were never that close. - Is that why he doesn't like you?
Dirty Grandpa
29.3s
Okay, cool. You're not cops. In which case, welcome to drugs! - Oh, my God. - Now, I'm pretty cool, so I only sell the stuff that occurs naturally. So I got weed, I got mushrooms, I got meth. - Meth? - Yeah. How is that natural? Well, it occurs naturally in my cousin's basement in Baltimore, if you know what I mean. Okay, fine, drugs aren't your thing. Got it. Message received. In which case, listen, we got a great local charity here. Pam's Kids.
Dirty Grandpa
27.2s
- Go Hornets! - Go Hornets, yeah... Hey, you know, one in three of these girls has herpes. Even if you can't see it. Oh, Jesus. Nut the fuck up. It's just a college party, you nance. Chill! Hey, here they are. I'm gonna get some beers. What about you, twinkle toes? You want some of dat drank? Some of dat purple drank? Some of dat purple-ass muthafuckin' pimp-dick drank? Who the fuck are you?
Dirty Grandpa
1m4s
I just said I'm an American, and I'm guaranteed a phone call. - Hm. Well, now he's getting demanding. - Yeah. - We better give him his phone call. - Better give him his phone call. - Guys, come on. Come on, please. - Why are we doing this? This is your phone right here, right? - That is my phone, yes. - Well, you know what? We get to make one phone call on your phone. That's where you're a little bit mixed up. Yeah, hopefully, you're not out of "framily" minutes. - No, no, no. - Get a free Uber ride on that. - Go ahead. - Take us out to lunch. You know what? We're gonna be kind and set you up with a Tinder account. - How about Grindr? What about, uh... - Look at this! - Jefe, is that how you pronounce that? - Yeah, how about Jefe. Yeah, huh? A little alone time with Jefe? He'd like some light conversation and heavy petting, - flirting, flirtations. - He looks thick and lonely. You will meet him at eight. You'll bring wine coolers. And... children's condoms. - Just gonna take a little picture. - Snatch-chat. - Yeah, a little Snatch-chat. - Please don't do that with my phone. Hope you got a wide-angle lens on that. Oh! Wow. Kidding.
Dirty Grandpa
37.7s
- Who's the lesbian? - That's my grandson, Jason. Yeah? Is he here to scissor with me? Okay, that's just offensive to lesbians. I am very sorry, K.D. Lang. Time for Bingo! Come on. Stinky, we got to get you the fuck out of here. - Come on, let's go. - I have one fucking month left, Dick! I don't want you to remember me like this, man. I want you to remember me as a warrior. - Please. Leave me be. - But, Stinky... No, no, no... Just let me finish, Dick. Leave me your beautiful lesbian grandson so he can blowjob me to death.
Dirty Grandpa
30.4s
- Hey, there he is. - No. Don't even fucking talk to me. I know things got a little chaotic, but I'm so close with Lenore... What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm about to get fucking married, Grandpa! In one week! To a Jewish girl! And I just woke up in fucking jail with a bunch of penises on my forehead in the shape of a swastika! Could call it a swasticock. - What? - It's a play on words. Oh, it's a play on words.
Dirty Grandpa