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1.2s

(THUNDER CRASHING)

Ted

1.8s

Sometimes you don't.

Ted

1.3s

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Ted

1.2s

(DIALING)

Ted

25.5s

You promised me this was about work. Lori, why don't you like me? Ugh! I'm rich, I'm good-looking, my dad owns the company. I have a boyfriend. I have told you this. Yeah, the guy with the bear. But I'm talking about a mature relationship, Lori. If we were together, our babies would be spectacular. With my top-of-the-pyramid Caucasian genes and your splash of dark, beautiful, smoky...

Ted

22.1s

You know, you guys, it's really not about that. I don't care about that. I mean, I'd love him if he was a janitor. I mean, he has a huge heart and we laugh a lot. It's just a bonus that he's the hottest guy in Boston. I don't know. I just wish he would get his life together. Our life. And he can't. And, I swear to God, it is because of that bear. You should give him an ultimatum. It's you or the bear.

Ted

15.7s

Well, you're probably not used to seeing me fully clothed. Yeah, I know, right? Me and Norah met in 2002 at a party at Belinda Carlisle's house and we had awkward fuzzy sex in the coatroom. Actually, you weren't so bad for a guy with no penis. You know, I have written so many angry letters to Hasbro about that.

Ted

3.6s

I'm so sorry, Johnny. So am I, man.

Ted

2.7s

(ALL CHEERING) (SQUAWKING)

Ted

2.3s

You got a lot of problems, don't you?

Ted

1.2s

(COUGHING)

Ted

1.2s

(LAUGHING)

Ted

16.5s

I can't. John, Flash Gordon was the most important influence of our formative years. He taught us right from wrong, good from evil. And that the word "acting" apparently has an extremely broad definition. Flash Gordon is the symbol of our friendship, John. Come share this with me.

Ted

10s

Teddy, come on, we're going to be late for dinner with your friends. Okay, be there in a second, baby. As you can see, my dance card is quite full. So, I'm going to have to decline. Can I just get a hug?

Ted

9.7s

It doesn't sound very mellow. Well, he only had three other batches. "Gorilla Panic," "They're Coming, They're Coming," and something called, "This is Permanent." Go on, spark it up.

Ted

5.2s

And you better never show your face around Quincy, you hear me? Okay, come on. Ever! I didn't know you had a baby. Is it alive?

Ted

4.9s

Well, that's perfect. Because I'm only going to need one. (LAUGHS)

Ted

1.8s

Someone call an ambulance!

Ted

Found 722 results

(THUNDER CRASHING)

Sometimes you don't.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(DIALING)

I'm so sorry, Johnny. So am I, man.

(ALL CHEERING) (SQUAWKING)

You got a lot of problems, don't you?

(COUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

I can't. John, Flash Gordon was the most important influence of our formative years. He taught us right from wrong, good from evil. And that the word "acting" apparently has an extremely broad definition. Flash Gordon is the symbol of our friendship, John. Come share this with me.

Teddy, come on, we're going to be late for dinner with your friends. Okay, be there in a second, baby. As you can see, my dance card is quite full. So, I'm going to have to decline. Can I just get a hug?

It doesn't sound very mellow. Well, he only had three other batches. "Gorilla Panic," "They're Coming, They're Coming," and something called, "This is Permanent." Go on, spark it up.

And you better never show your face around Quincy, you hear me? Okay, come on. Ever! I didn't know you had a baby. Is it alive?

Well, that's perfect. Because I'm only going to need one. (LAUGHS)

Someone call an ambulance!