Let's all be best friends. Oh, my God! John, get away from that thing. Get over here right now. But, Dad... Get over here!
Ted
3.7s
Yeah. No. Yeah. No.
Ted
12s
Did you ever hear a Boston girl have an orgasm? (IN BOSTON ACCENT) Oh, yeah, oh, yeah! Harder! Harder! Oh, God, that was so good! Now I'm going to stuff my fucking face with Pepperidge Farm!
Ted
4.9s
Sometimes I think back to that Christmas morning when I was eight years old. I wish I had just gotten a Teddy Ruxpin.
Ted
4.7s
I actually went through something like this with my last boyfriend. Really? Yeah.
Ted
5.7s
That took guts. We need guts. I'm promoting you.
Ted
21.8s
Well, I am a former celebrity in a minimum wage job. This is how the cast of Diff'rent Strokes feels. All day, every day. Just awful. They must feel awful. The live ones must feel awful. Come on. It's not that bad, okay? I got a shitty job, and I assure you, lam quite content. Excuse me. I'm sorry to bother you but my son and I couldn't help but admire your teddy bear.
Ted
1.2s
JOHN: Shit!
Ted
5.2s
Woody Harrelson. Smallest dick I've ever seen on a man. (BOTH LAUGHING)
Ted
6.7s
Even Maybe "no" to a Snickers bar every once in a while wouldn't hurt. Me and Ted are going to be best friends, Daddy.
Ted
1.5s
Welcome back, Ted.
Ted
1.2s
Yeah.
Ted
5.1s
This is the first time that you've been single in all the years you've worked here.
Ted
2.4s
There's something that I need to say to you, too.
Ted
9s
I love you girls. You know, somewhere out there are four terrible fathers I wish I could thank for this great night. What is that? What is what?
Ted
4.8s
What? Excuse me? I want it. I'm not an "it," pal. I'm a "he," all right?
