Found 722 results

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(FARTING) Finally.

Ted

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Teddy Rux-fucking-pin!

Ted

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You're just like the Baby Jesus.

Ted

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12.2s
Can I... Just give me the car keys. Can I please just explain? No. Look, I was... I have given up a huge chunk of my life for you. I was going to stop in for like five minutes and then Flash Gordon... Just give me the car keys.

Ted

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(COUGHS)

Ted

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3.2s
Hey, Ted. Hey, Johnny, what are you doing? You want to come over and catch a buzz?

Ted

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And that was a promise that neither one of them ever forgot.

Ted

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No, it doesn't.

Ted

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I'm so sorry.

Ted

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(MOUTHING) Hi. Tom Skerritt.

Ted

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3.1s
You get the job, we're celebrating after, okay?

Ted

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1.6s
I promise.

Ted

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9.6s
Because, "How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?" (CHUCKLES) Right? Pink Floyd. Look, the point is, you're blaming me for something that you did to yourself.

Ted

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How great is this? The four of us out to dinner. How long have we been saying we were going to... Lori, how you doing? I haven't talked to you in forever. I'm good. I'm good. The company's having their 20th anniversary party next week. So, that's something.

Ted

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(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Ted

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1.5s
I heard you got busted.

Ted

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Yes! He did it!

Ted

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5.2s
You know, if your leg got trapped under a rock I'd chew it off to get you free.

Ted