Hey. What's up? 'Sup? Just exhausted from inventing Facebook or whatever website people our age use.
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Hey. How you doing?
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Shit, there's ghost!
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Eric, are you awake?
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Neither.
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Now, obviously, we've all heard this statement before, I've got a first impression for you. (CLEARS THROAT)
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Oh, so tight! Oh, this is so baller! Beds... oh, shit. (GROANS) Oh, dope. That looks like cum. That's cum. Okay. All right. Already got cum on the mattress, dawg.
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JENKO: They still have books? I thought they just put the books inside the computers. Yeah, I guess the kids just use the stacks to hide and have sex. So we'll go to all Cynthia's classes and activities, ask around about the drug and find out who the dealer is. Yeah, it's just like last time. Exactly like last time. Dude, in human sexuality, do you get to fuck or do you just get to watch people fuck?
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MERCEDES: You are so old and weak! Drop the fucking gun! Seriously! MERCEDES: Get your wrinkly hands off me!
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(WHISPERING) I'm not gonna take a shit the entire time I'm here. I know.
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It's true. JENKO: Super high-tech police gear.
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I'm going to veto that poster. It's a touch childish. Okay. What do lambos have to do with touching children? Lambos are lame. I get one choice. I get one thing that I'm not... We have to agree. You know what I mean? What up, fellas? We're your across-the-hall neighbors. Oh, hey, there's two of you. You're twins. What's up, man? We're the yangs, man. Kenny Yang. What's up? Keith Yang. What's going on? What's going on? Did you say the yangs? Yeah, dad's Chinese, man. Our mom's not Chinese. She's black. Oh. She's like real black. Like Wesley snipes black. Exactly. We're brothers, too. (BOTH CHUCKLING) No. He's not kidding. He's serious. Oh, really? What? Like, one of y'all older? Mmm-hmm. Yeah, 'cause you got crow's feet under your eyes, man. You specifically. We're actually just normal college age. I mean, even if you're a little older, that's cool, man, because, you know, girls here love older dudes. That's true. Plus, there's mad fuckable girls here. Mad fuckable. Especially during spring break. JENKO: I love spring break. But I do have to say, I've fucked a thousand girls by now and I don't know, at the end of the day, you just kind of want something that's just a little deeper really. BOTH: Yeah, balls deeper. Jinx. Buy me a coke. Oh, snap, we're still saying the same thing. This is amazing! Carrots. Pumpernickels. Glow sticks. Twins! That's dope, dude. That's so sick. That's crazy. We have that brother connection, too. You ready? Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Pirates! Baby feet! Paper clips! Bananas! Sun! Anger! I don't know! Words! Quicksand! Shoes! Boom! That's hip-hop, man. Awesome. That's great.
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Some bacon machine that my mom got me. I do not understand how it works.
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Schmidt, come on! Let's go! I can't jump down! I'm not, like, fucking spider-man! I'm gonna get the car.
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Hilarious shirt that signals we drink alcohol.
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You don't need to drill so many holes. Yeah, okay.
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I'm pretty great. I just chill and... You know how chill zook is. Zook's such a chill guy. Just like ice. That makes me so happy for you.